What to do when complaints are about a senior manager

Suppose your employees are grumbling about one of your senior managers, the director of a key department – he’s much too harsh and turnover is high.  What should you do? One option, the easy way out, is to ignore it.  This option may be especially appealing if productivity is decent, despite the grumbling.

To read the rest of this article from the Business First of Louisville, see: What to do when complaints are about a senior manager http://louisville.bizjournals.com/louisville/stories/2005/01/24/editorial2.html

But suppose you look deeper and the evidence is clear:  Your senior manager is a critical perfectionist.  He micro-manages with sarcastic criticism and put-downs, browbeats staff relentlessly, never gives compliments and hogs the credit and shovels the blame.  He harasses, bullies and abuses his staff.  Even long-term stars want out and productivity is merely OK.  Unhappiness has spread to other departments that have interacted with him.

You can still find easy explanations to avoid getting involved: You have other worries, there are no red flags on balance sheets, he treats you OK and he hasn’t thrown anything, hit anyone or blown up in public.  Employees always complain about hard-driving leaders and why open a can of worms?

Leaders who still gloss over these situations are merely conflict-avoidant.  They’ll ensure years of hard feelings, declining performance, scorn behind their backs and, eventually, increased costs to clean out a bigger cesspool.  Or maybe they think they’ll be long gone before it backs up to their door.

Another option is often chosen by leaders who think, “We’re all good people here. If we got together we’d agree on an effective compromise.”  They hope the politically correct approach of facilitated negotiation will manufacture a solution that works for everyone.

But in this situation that’s just a band-aid.  It won’t lead to long-term, productive change because the problem is a brutal manager, not a lack of understanding and acceptance of different styles within a reasonable range.

At this point, there’s little incentive for the senior manager to make consistent, lasting change.  During negotiations a lot of talk will happen, fingers will get pointed, people will get argumentative and defensive, hopes will get raised and dashed, and people will become even more polarized, antagonistic and litigious.  You’ve simply delayed a real solution and upped the pain and cost.

I recommend a third option: To give the problem manager a chance to turn things around and mend fences, give him an ultimatum - “change or else” - backed by short timelines, close monitoring, effective support for the changes you want him to make and repeated praise from you for any progress.

Get a coach-advisor the manager can respect, accept and trust.  He will need to learn a new managing style and new communication skills.  Expect stepwise progress as he learns whether his new approach can keep productivity, quality and kudos high.  Help him maintain leadership credibility by requiring training for the whole department hand having him participate.

How do you know when to quit dodging your responsibility and to use the third option? A truthful and global costing out is crucial.  See original article for details.

Take into account the effects of his behavior on:

• Productivity.
• Time spent by HR, staff and supervisors in all departments talking about incidents and dealing with complaints and hurt feelings.
• Effects on inter-departmental interactions.
• Transfer and turnover of good employees, especially outstanding young people who would be the next generation of leaders.
• Monetary and emotional costs of facilitated negotiations that fail.
• Costs for litigation, lawyers and buying silence from many employees.
• Lost respect for you and lost passion for your mission and goals, which will infect the organization.

You may have heard the expression, “People don’t leave organizations; they leave bad supervisors.”  That’s much too simplistic.

Once you have competitive benefits, great people leave bad environments – including poor supervisors, peers and coworkers, and systems that thwart accomplishment.  The most effective way of keeping the best employees and managers is setting high standards and standing up for them.

Remember, your leadership is on trial also.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Covert bullies like to manage timing of decisions

Some bullying bosses are overt.  They yell, micromanage, criticize relentlessly, make personal remarks, are never satisfied and never promote staff. Other bullies are more covert.

For example, Abby controls her team by making quick decisions and immediately shifting into action.  If you stop to deliberate, she’ll become exasperated and question your intelligence.  Because she’s in a hurry, few people get consulted in advance and things are always done her way. Once she’s made up her mind, she won’t change direction.

To read the rest of this article from the Philadelphia Business Journal, see: Covert bullies like to manage timing of decisions http://www.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/stories/2008/09/08/smallb3.html

Abby tries to control her managerial peers with rapid decisions.  Her arguments for speed can be very persuasive: No one wants to be thought of as “slow or stodgy.”

On the other hand, Alex moves with great deliberation and caution.  He’s just as controlling as Abby, but in the opposite way.  He wants to chew and digest all the details before he’ll decide.  If you want to move rapidly, he’ll become exasperated and question your intelligence and good judgment.  Because he controls the snail’s pace, few people even bother making input anymore.

If he doesn’t want to implement a plan, he’ll say he needs endless information and reflection.  Usually, his deliberations push so hard against deadlines that everyone has to work hectically at the last minute, including weekends.  He doesn’t mind because he’s still in control.

Alex tries to control his managerial peers by delaying decisions.  His arguments defending deliberation and caution can be very persuasive.  No one wants to be labeled “thoughtless or careless.”

People who are concerned with making good decisions will adjust their processes and timing to fit the situation.  Some decisions can be made with extensive input and deliberation, while others demand unilateral and rapid action.  Each style can be successful or have disastrous consequences, depending on the situation.

The rapid responses of many small businesses secured them productive niches while corporate goliaths deliberated.  Similarly, decisions made in the blink of an eye – based on accurate intuition, the hair standing up on the back of your neck or a wrenching in your gut – can save your life or business.  If you wait for proof, it will be too late.

But, of course, we don’t want someone building a bridge or an airplane based on snap decisions.

Be warned: Abby and Alex’s covert, controlling techniques are used just as much between couples in personal life and in family businesses.  However, the same mindset and methods that work to manage peers in corporate life can be effective in those more personal situations.

How you cope with bullies using these styles depends on whether you’re a peer, a supervisee or a supervisor – see complete article for details.

There are no formulas, but there are guidelines.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work

If you’re not already doing all the work or aren’t stressed out to the max, here are 10 tips to increase your load by creating a culture of entitlement among your employees. I didn’t make them up.  I’ve seen organizations using these strategies to keep employees happy.

To read the rest of this article from the Business First of Louisville, see: 10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work http://www.bizjournals.com/louisville/stories/2008/07/21/editorial2.html

As a leader or manager, 10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work are:

1. Take responsibility and blame for everything.
2. Let staff publicly review every decision you make.
3. Satisfy every employee desire.
4. Revise your policies and procedures to accommodate every employee’s needs.
5. Don’t have deadlines; don’t pressure staff.
6. Accept all employee behaviors including harassment, bullying and abuse.
7. Don’t ever require change; keep rehabilitating poor employees forever.
8. Undercut supervisors.
9. Require positive and supportive evaluations.
10. Treat stars the same as poor employees.

Bonus tip: Offer guaranteed employment for life as if it’s employees’ right.

Some companies attempt to provide a better work environment by being sensitive to the needs and feelings of their employees.  Of course, you pay attention to what your employees want and need.  But don’t overdo it.

Great leaders create work environments that meet the needs of their businesses and enable their employees to be productive and effective.  They set expectations and hold staff accountable for what is and isn’t acceptable performance and behavior.  Productivity takes precedence over pleasure.

It’s not always easy.  Some people won’t like your rules.  But bending or abandoning reasonable rules and expectations in an effort to satisfy the malcontents and whiners doesn’t work.  They’ll never be happy or productive. And trying to satisfy them will drive your good performers away.

In our culture, many people think companies should be designed to make them happy and fulfilled.  Effective leaders make clear that anyone who isn’t willing to follow the rules is welcome to leave.  Encourage entitled employees to work for your

Of course, slight modifications of these tips can be used to create cultures of entitled managers.

What to do when a good worker fails as supervisor

It can be tough to look one of your employees in the eye and tell them, “This isn’t working.  You don’t have the ability to do this job.”  It can be especially painful when the employee thinks they can. A particularly difficult situation can come when you’ve promoted a good worker to a supervisory role, but they haven’t been able to learn and demonstrate the necessary skills.

To read the rest of this article from the Silicon Valley/San Jose Business Journal, see: What to do when a good worker fails as supervisor http://sanjose.bizjournals.com/sanjose/stories/2006/11/06/smallb5.html

It’s tempting to promote very competent workers.  After all, they have good skills, work ethic and know the job.  But the skills necessary to be a productive worker and to be an effective supervisor are different.

Take the case of Jane, a strong, task-oriented, problem solver – especially when she worked alone.

But as a supervisor, she’s a bust.  She doesn’t tell her staff what she needs and seems to delight in harassing them when they do things wrong.  She publicly criticizes anything she doesn’t agree with, loudly and relentlessly.  She blames and attacks others when she’s not successful, and casts suspicion and doubt on people who aren’t her favorites.  She ignores obvious legalities about confidentiality.  She’s negative, bullying and abusive.

Go back to the initial decision to promote her. What considerations went into it and how was the opportunity presented?  The overall perspective on a promotion should be that it’s a trial period.  Anyone moving from worker to supervisor has a lot to learn.  So be specific about your expectations of the employee in their new role and offer to help them make the transition.

Now comes your moment of truth. You have to face the music. Part of being a successful leader is making decisions for the betterment of the whole organization, even when you know your decisions are only best guesses and someone might disagree and have hurt feelings.

Jane needs to be demoted to become a worker again in her previous group or, more likely, demoted sideways so she doesn’t have to face her former co-workers after having been demoted.

The more you promote good workers without carefully examining the capabilities necessary to be a good supervisor, the more you’ll continue having heartache.  The more you avoid evaluation conversations, the poorer will be your results as a people manager.  The longer you allow Jane to victimize her staff; the longer you put off the conversation with Jane, the bigger the problem will grow.

And don’t chicken out by using email to avoid the conversation.

When should you keep a curmudgeon?

The worst part of having a curmudgeon on your staff is that you may have to put up with him, at least temporarily, if he’s valuable to your organization.  But he has to be very valuable.  And “temporarily” is the key word. Imagine, for example, a senior manager who criticizes every idea and decision openly at meetings and also behind his boss’ back.  Sometimes, he simply rolls his eyes, snorts, drums his fingers or overtly uses his smart phone.  The major expression of his negativity is “harrumph.”

To read the rest of this article from the Memphis Business Journal, see: When should you keep a curmudgeon? http://www.bizjournals.com/memphis/stories/2007/02/05/smallb3.html

He’s worse than impersonal.  He’s an active curmudgeon.  He makes clear he won’t go to birthday parties and other celebrations because they’re a waste of time and he’s too busy.  Or he goes and grumbles audibly the whole time.  You can almost hear him saying, “Bah. Humbug.”

He always knows the “right” answer and thinks “discussions” are him expressing his opinion, followed by everyone else acting instantly on his plan.  He’s an expert at harassment, bullying and abuse of power.  If he’s entrenched in the organization, he’ll even criticize his boss publicly.

This curmudgeon’s actually pleased he has a reputation as a no-nonsense guy.  When employees leave his department, he’s sure they couldn’t stand his high standards, weren’t willing to work hard enough or didn’t have the brains to keep up with him.

The most devastating effect of allowing such bullies to stay is that your actual culture – not the politically correct statements you’ve posted on wall plaques – is exposed.  Around these cranky, negative, toxic people, performance decreases and behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Also, creativity is destroyed, morale plummets and turnover increases around him.  That may convince you to make a thoughtful decision about removing him.

Many experts tell you to get rid of the curmudgeon right away; it’s the people-oriented, moral thing to do.

Dealing with “special cases” I have a somewhat different view.  In some fields and with some tasks, you may decide to accept the behavior because he’s unique and successful.  Typically, those are the fields in which genius counts.  Some examples are: the arts and theatre, surgeons, researchers, inventors, programmers, architects and athletes.  Or a special case may be the owner’s mother or children.

If you want to retain other valuable managers and maintain a respectful culture for the rest of the organization, make clear to everyone, including the curmudgeon, your reasons for keeping him, the behavioral lines he can’t cross and your plans to minimize brain damage to the rest of the staff.  Otherwise you’ll simply allow him to victimize everyone.

As his boss, you’ll have to micromanage him.  The words “communicate better” don’t have any meaning to him.  He thinks he’s communicating just fine and doesn’t know or value any other way.  Use behaviorally specific cue cards, “Say this. Do that.”

Peers will often put up with a curmudgeon because they can minimize contact and laugh behind his back.

But if he’s your boss, decide whether to put up with his behavior cheerfully, try to get upper management to change the behavior, transfer or retire.  Don’t endure behavior you can’t live with cheerfully.  Life is too short.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Select leaders who are excited by challenge, change

If you think that fear of change is normal human nature, you’re wrong.  That’s especially true for the leaders you select. For example, Harry was slated to move up to Senior Vice President in a few years.  In the meantime, his division needed to change its direction and way of doing business.  He must groom a great leadership team and weed the appropriate people.

To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see: Select leaders who are excited by challenge, change http://www.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2007/03/12/smallb8.html

One member of Harry’s present, six-person team had to be let go.  He was an excellent project manager and he liked being custodian of repeatable processes.  However, he couldn’t handle the changes required.  His need for controlling every detail led him to resist fluid goals, processes and relationships.  He got rattled, constantly threw up roadblocks and underperformed.  In order to solidify his position, he also tried to sabotage his competition.

Another member of the team felt threatened because there wasn’t enough lead-time to prepare for shifting hurdles or moving targets.  She found a cookie-cutter job with fewer challenges.

Harry got the standard leadership advice:

• Change makes people fearful.  They feel like victims.
• Normal people are slow adapters or resist change forever.  They’ll be negative, critical and complaining.
• People must go through five psychological stages before finally accepting forced change.
• Don’t expect too much during a transition.  Before your staff performs at high levels again, they’ll need lots of pampering and time to feel safe and confident.

I disagree. While resistance may be the norm in our society at this moment of time, that doesn’t make it normal.  In other cultures and in America in the past, “normal” was to be excited by change.  That’s where the great rewards are.  Think of Edison, Rockefeller and Ford, for example.

Whenever our ancestors came to America, last year or 30,000 years ago, they faced huge changes and took great risks.  They thrived, or we wouldn’t be here.  We have those hardy genes.  People who thrive today will have the same qualities their ancestors had.  They won’t be brainwashed into feeling fragile.

Our normal reaction to change can be eager anticipation; just as we had before our first day of surfing or skiing.  Like life, these activities are inherently dangerous and exhilarating.

In truth, our only security is in ourselves; not in false guarantees of employment for life.  Anyone who needs guarantees will fight to make an organization stay the way it is, which will kill it.  They won’t rise on their teams.

If we try to force things to stay the same, performance decreases.  Behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Narcissists, incompetent, lazy, gossip, back-stabbing, manipulation, hostility, crankiness, meeting sabotage, negativity, relentless criticism, whining, complaining, cliques, turf control, toxic feuds, harassment, bullying and abuse thrive.  Power hungry bullies take power.

The higher you go in a company, the more you have to keep your head in the game when things change suddenly.  Harry’s company isn’t downsizing, but most people who stay will have to learn to function well in continual change.  He’ll provide training, consulting and coaching – but not hand-holding.  And he won’t be conflict-avoidant in protecting the high standards he needs.

Of course, there’s tremendous risk in moving ahead.  But there’s more risk in fighting to stay the same.  A static organization will become unprofitable and all staffers will become unemployed.  Since only a few basic processes will stay the same, people who are comfortable only when repeating a known process will become uncomfortable.

Get over discomfort.  Our feelings aren’t handed to us in stone.  Don’t wait until we’ve developed a sense of safety and confidence, or an abundance mentality.  Take responsibility right now.

Life is an open system.  Get used to it.

High standards for how to respond to challenges and change protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Office Moms, Slobs, Princesses Stir up Distracting Soap Opera

You’ve seen the sign, or some variation of it: “Clean up your mess.  Your mom doesn’t work here.”  It’s an obvious reminder to the slobs among us that they’re a real problem. But there’s a flip side to this problem: the office “mom” – male or female – who cleans up after the slobs.  That may sound like a good thing, but office moms create their own set of problems.

Office moms come in two flavors; those who clean up the physical debris left by others and “e-moms” who try to clean up other people’s emotional garbage.

To read the rest of this article from the Cincinnati Business Journal, see: Office moms, slobs, princesses stir up distracting soap opera http://www.bizjournals.com/cincinnati/stories/2007/06/25/smallb5.html

There are people who leave physical messes and people who leave emotional messes like hot-tempered, hostile staff no one wants to tangle with and bosses who want go-fers to take care of their personal, menial chores.

The fact is some people are lazy, uncaring and irresponsible.  They act like overgrown children or arrogant princes/princesses expecting to be waited on.  You have to decide which values matter most.  Is it leaving people alone, because of politeness or fear, or setting and enforcing communal standards of behavior, despite resistance?

If you ignore slobs, resentment will grow among staffers who get stuck cleaning up other people’s messes.  Weak staff will also want slob privileges.  Resentment will destroy productivity.

Volunteer office moms clean up other people’s physical messes.  Acting out of courtesy or martyrdom, office moms appear to be benevolent.  But even if they’re happy cleaning up after others, there’s an insidious side effect that can cost more than the immediate benefits.

When someone caters to grown “children,” the latter tend to remain children.  Lack of responsibility about break rooms usually leads to lack of responsibility about team effort.  It spreads to messy, worthless paperwork and incomplete projects.

The most insidious and destructive side of the slob-mom equation are people who dump emotional garbage around the office (e-slobs) and their partners, e-moms, who listen sympathetically and try to clean up the messes.  E-slobs continually vent their hurt, frustration, complaining and criticism.  They want support for personal agendas.

One variant of e-slobs are bosses who want emotional voids filled by endless praise and unconditional love.  They often create loyalty tests for you to prove your love.  For example, they’ll demand that you miss important family events in order to wait on them over trivial matters.

E-moms encourage melodrama and make feelings more important than productivity.

Of course, you want your staff to care about one another, but e-moms and e-slobs take a tremendous toll on overall productivity.  You need to intervene quickly if you have a slob team.

E-moms, e-slobs and princesses create the same symptoms.  Performance decreases.  Behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Narcissists, incompetent, lazy, gossip, back-stabbing, manipulation, hostility, crankiness, meeting sabotage, negativity, relentless criticism, whining, complaining, cliques, turf control, toxic feuds, harassment, bullying and abuse thrive.  Power hungry bullies take power.

Don’t be a slob or dependent boss who needs an office mom.  Don’t look for a warm, soft, friendly shoulder on which to cry at work.  And don’t waste work time on melodrama.  Handle your feelings on your own time.

On the flip side; don’t be an office mom.  You won’t make things better being a peacemaker.  Begging, bribery, endless praise, appeasement, endless ‘second chances,’ unconditional love and the Golden Rule usually encourage more harassment, bullying and abuse.  Stop emotional bullies and stop bullying.

Work is about work, not soap opera.  Stick to that agenda and you’ll be better off.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Bosses who avoid conflict create a big mess

You probably don’t want an angry, confrontational, bullying boss.  But, do you want the other extreme – a conflict-avoidant boss? I vote, “No.”  Conflict-avoidant bosses create breeding grounds for passive-aggressive employees and self-appointed tyrants.

For example, Helen’s boss is nice and sweet.  And that’s her problem.

To read the rest of this article from the Austin Business Journal, see: Bosses who avoid conflict create a big mess http://www.bizjournals.com/austin/stories/2007/07/23/smallb3.html

Larry is always thoughtful and considerate.  He tries to agree with everyone.  Although he inspects each employee’s results and asks penetrating questions, he won’t tell them what they must do.  If two of his staff disagrees, he won’t intervene and make a decision, or force them to resolve the issue.

Helen has frequent and critical deadlines, but in order to do her job she needs information supplied by Lindsay, another employee in Larry’s department.  Lindsay says she’s too busy to give Helen the necessary information within the agreed-upon timelines.

Helen asks and asks but nothing seems to work.  She tries begging, twisting Lindsay’s arm and even explaining her predicament at team meetings.  She tries every communication and management technique her friends and human resource professionals suggest.  Lindsay simply goes on her merry way and stonewalls Helen.  She’s a sneaky bully.

In public, Lindsay always agrees to do that part of her job but then simply ignores the commitment.  In private she says Helen’s not important enough.  She doesn’t like Helen and she’s going to sabotage her.  In one-to-one meetings with Larry, she undercuts Helen’s needs, communication skills and performance.

Larry says he can’t do anything.  If he tried to force Lindsay, it’d create conflict – and he doesn’t want confrontation.  Larry is so sweet and nice.

Larry avoids conflict with Lindsay but creates conflict with Helen.  He’s upset with not getting what he needs from Helen but not upset enough to break the deadlock.  He’s more afraid of Lindsay than he is of Helen.  Lindsay knows she’s secure.  She has no pressure to serve Helen and no consequences for resisting.

There are numerous variations on this theme but they all lead to the same symptoms.  Performance decreases.  Behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Narcissisism, incompetence, laziness, gossip, back-stabbing, manipulation, hostility, crankiness, meeting sabotage, negativity, relentless criticism, whining, complaining, cliques, turf control, toxic feuds, harassment, bullying and abuse thrive.  Power hungry bullies take power.

Absentee bosses – whether they’re waiting for retirement, have distracting personal concerns, are mentally tuned out or are cowards – create sanctuaries for unprofessional behavior.  When there’s a vacuum of authority, the most aggressive, ruthless and controlling people are drawn in to fill it.  It’s like the worst behavior of children coming out when their teacher leaves them alone for the day.

Conflict-avoidant bosses don’t implement decisions necessary for overall productivity because they won’t face resistant people and get them to do what’s necessary.

If you avoid facing someone who’s unhappy, you’re abdicating your responsibility as a leader.  You’ll probably live to regret the pain caused by abandoning your duty.  Your good employees certainly will regret it.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Leaders Who Ignore the Human Element Will Fail

To be a successful administrator, basic operational savvy is necessary.  But to be a successful leader, you must also master human savvy. For example, Joe worked his way up through the financial ranks and had mastered three of the major skills of internal operational savvy:

• Setting high performance standards.
• Project management.
• Financial soundness.

Joe’s teams met their goals within budget and deadlines.

But Joe was always passed over for promotions to leadership.  Why?  Basic operational savvy isn’t enough to make leaders even partially successful.

To read the rest of this article from the Memphis Business Journal, see: Leaders who ignore the human element will fail http://www.bizjournals.com/memphis/stories/2007/10/01/smallb4.html

When I explained to Joe that he was missing the human savvy I’ll describe below, he said he couldn’t change.  He had strength of character and responded successfully to the ups and downs, and the challenges of business.  But he said he was an introvert.  He could achieve high performance in operational areas but it wasn’t his personality to excel in people areas.

Joe’s response is nonsense.  He doesn’t need to become an extrovert or develop the personality of an archetypal used-car salesman.  But if he wants to advance his career, he does need to master his innate human savvy—the universal human attributes for empathy and sympathy, for knowing what makes people tick, and for transmitting and enhancing passion and dedication.

Joe’s progress was halting when he was simply memorizing lists of how-to’s.  But his learning took off when he modeled himself after the subject of one of the best leadership books, “Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln,” by Doris Kearns Goodwin.

Joe saw himself as having a personality similar to Lincoln: a melancholy introvert who could come out of his shell to make human contact.  Lincoln’s human savvy was a crucial component of his success.  Joe resolved, “If Lincoln could do it, so can I.”  Joe drove himself to use Lincoln as his guide and to learn what Lincoln learned.

One of the important personal skills Joe learned was critical listening.  Instead of listening only to the dictionary definitions of words, he trained himself to hear “the message behind the message.”

That essential information taught him what concerns other people have and what they really want.  Joe used what he learned in order to connect with his team on an emotional level, so he could help them dedicate to their mission.

Lincoln said that the most important task of a leader, once he has finally decided on a course of action, is to educate people so they are inspired to proceed on that course.  Lincoln used insightful comparisons and memorable stories to transfuse people with his vision, dedication and perseverance.  Joe realized that appropriate stories have an emotional impact greater than the effects of logical arguments.

Like Lincoln did, Joe can now tell memorable stories of his team’s effort and progress.  His staff is now enthused to achieve team and personal goals in the face of challenges that demand their best.

Joe also sets high behavioral standards and holds his staff accountable for behavior that reflects good attitudes.  He’s stopped bullies and even had some success getting difficult messages across to abusive, toxic staff.  His best workers are happier now that he’s weeded out the slackers and bad apples.

Now his superiors say:

• “Joe seems to guess what the next steps are, even when I haven’t said them.”
• “He’s a good confidant. I can count on him to rally the rest of my leadership team and to see that his people are on top of what’s truly essential.”
• “He’s a go-getter.  He’s stopped bullying, manipulation, negativity and meeting sabotage in his new department.   He can inspire people to overcome change and adversity, as well as to keep innovating when times are good.”

Many people teach basic operational savvy as if it’s all that’s necessary for leadership success.  But good administrators aren’t necessarily good leaders.  Basic operational savvy is necessary, but it’s not enough. Leadership success is more all or none.  You can succeed only if you master human savvy.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to:

• Master the human element.
• Eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Fixing Your Business? Keep the Best, Churn the Rest

What if you showed up for work to find a new sign posted by the owners: “Keep the best, churn the rest”—and you knew the best, and the rest meant you and your colleagues at all levels? Chances are, it’d get your attention.  And that’s exactly what business owners Dick and Harry (made up names for a true illustration) had in mind when they posted that sign at their medium-sized company.

To read the rest of this article from the Houston Business Journal, see: Fixing your business? Start at the top with managers http://www.bizjournals.com/houston/stories/2007/10/29/smallb5.html

Dick and Harry had allowed their company to drift into unprofitability.  Though they brought in more business, profits never increased.  And the more jobs they took on, the crazier their lives became.  They were so exhausted trying to stay afloat, they didn’t have time to plan how to get out of the mess—until a stress-induced fight finally forced them to stop and think.  It was change or lose the business.

They realized they had a lackadaisical staff, lackadaisically managed, producing minimally.  The big problem was their poor leadership.  Dick and Harry had let their standards slide.  They’d stopped being leaders and had become conflict-avoidant fixers.

They complained whenever something was done wrong, but they fixed it themselves.  They worked harder and dumber.  No one was re-trained or fired.  They never stopped bullies. The result?  The more business that came in, the worse their quality and the more profit gushed out of their pipeline.

The more frantic they had become, the less they enforced behavioral standards.  Over time, narcissism, cranky complaining, criticism, whining, demanding, bullying, emotional drama, back-stabbing, sabotage, negativity, hostility, cliques, cyberbullying, personal vendettas, turf fights, entitlement, claims of unhappiness and poor morale, control-freaks, toxic nastiness, gossip, disruptive actions and lying increased.  These behaviors are the typical signs of problems.

When standards slid, the best people left because they got tired of being forced to work with jerks who prevented success.  And they hated being paid the same as jerks.

Dick and Harry started demanding excellence from themselves.  Before they could fix problem employees, they had to fix themselves.

To let their staff know that there would be a new culture of high performance and accountability, they started an internal campaign: “Keep the best, churn the rest.”  To show that wasn’t a punitive exercise or mass downsizing, the slogan meant four things:

• They began at the top.  If they didn’t perform, they’d leave because they weren’t worthy of leading the company.
• Fixing managerial problems was urgent because problems at the top cost more.  One problem manager caused more damage than one problem employee.
• “Keep” meant increasing rewards because each quality worker is worth more than two jerks.
• “The best” meant competent, productive employees, not just shooting stars.

Although Dick and Harry needed to reward good performers, they also needed to demand high quality and accountability at all levels. That meant honest evaluations, with rewards and consequences.  They knew they had to stop bullying.

Dick and Harry didn’t expect a quick fix.  And there wasn’t one.  During the next 18 months, they turned over about 35 percent of their staff, including managers.  But they stuck to their plan. They walked the walk and talked the talk.

The company turned around.  The more they kept the best, the easier it became to churn the rest.  At all levels, unmotivated or incompetent people were gone.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Catering to a few troublesome workers can backfire

It’s natural to respond to employees going through personal crises or enjoying tumultuous events, such as marriages and births. But have you volunteered to serve as therapist to some of your most troubled employees?  If so, have you asked the rest of your staff if they like your new role?

For example, Joe spent much of each day talking with people on his large team about their personal problems.  He thought his tender ministrations could turn anyone into a stellar performer.

To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see: Catering to a few troublesome workers can backfire http://www.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2008/04/14/smallb3.html

Joe was proud that he was a caring, people-person; a friend.  He wasn’t an insensitive, bullying, abusive, slave driver.  He wanted his team to be a family.  He expected success as a result of his people-centered approach.

However, I saw that it was the same few unprofessional performers who always needed Joe’s support and care.  For example:

• Jane lacked emotional control and blew up if she was ever asked to meet deadlines.
• Chuck always made sarcastic, personal comments about anyone who performed well.
• Bob was a negative, hostile, controlling and defensive bully.
• Joan was a smiling, manipulative, gossiping, backbiting rumor monger.

These four had chronic problems that spread their unprofessional behavior and prevented high-performance.  They weren’t solid performers who maintained their professional demeanor and productivity despite being distracted by joyous events or suffering from personal turmoil.

Joe had created a culture of entitlement.  He had to micro-manage them for them to be even a little productive.

Most of the solid performers still on Joe’s staff were looking to leave.  They felt harassed, stressed, abused and abandoned while he was doing therapy on those four underperforming employees.  Joe’s peers thought he should be reprimanded because his department was a bottle-neck.

Joe finally saw his problem and moved to fix it.  Over time, through evaluations for both productivity and behavior, he held everyone on his team accountable.  Despite the chance Joe offered them, three of the needy people did not begin to produce better or stop infecting the rest of the team.  They continued to drag down the behavior and performance standards of the team.

Typically, when people have been given many special privileges, they sue when they stop getting catered to.

However, in this case, Joe got some gifts; one of the people needed the job and started performing, two left of their own accord because the environment had “turned hostile,” and only one had to be terminated.  That person sued because of Joe’s “harassment.” But Joe had acted and documented appropriately and was vindicated.

Joe is unusual.  Most rescuing meddlers don’t change.  They’re addicted to the meddling role.  Similarly, most passive-aggressive or conflict-avoidant managers don’t change.

Re-read your job description: It probably doesn’t ask you to victimize most of your staff by catering to the emotional and psychological needs of a few people in the workplace.

Remember what Mr. Spock, from the original Star Trek, said, “Don’t sacrifice the many for the sake of the few.”  Mr. Spock was always right.

Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Stop battles between "leapers" and "steppers"

If you have a “leaper” and a “stepper” on your staff who are at war with one another, you have a big problem that needs immediate attention. Leapers are people with fast biological clocks.  Steppers approach the world slowly and cautiously.  Their very different views of the world can lead to disastrous results if they’re put into roles that make them dependent on one another to complete tasks.

For example, Larry the leaper and Steve the stepper are on the same technical team.

To read the rest of this article from the Charlotte Business Journal, see: Stop battles between ‘leapers’ and ‘steppers’ http://www.bizjournals.com/charlotte/stories/2008/12/08/smallb4.html

The more invested they are in the rightness of their styles, the faster the gulf between them will widen until their differences become irreconcilable.  When they go to war, they’ll both look to you as their manager to punish the other (guilty) person and to excuse their own transgressions.

The war will feel like a crusade and become toxic through out the office.  They’ll misunderstand and see negativity or evil intent in almost every action and email.  They’ll begin to harass, bully, abuse and sabotage, and attempt to line up supporters.

Intervene as soon as possible, before hostilities engulf the whole office.

Be careful yourself; don’t empower one to be the controlling bully on your team.  Don’t harass, coerce or force your preferred pattern on everyone.

Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of bullying, aggressive low attitudes of managers and staff.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Members of Whiners' Club definitely bad for business

With one exception, workplace cliques are bad for business.  If you allow them to operate behind the scenes, they’ll destroy morale, teamwork and productivity.  Yet, as the economy continues in a recession, people’s fear and stress will lead them to band together to find comfort and scapegoats. We usually recognize cliques that use bullying tactics to preserve their turf and to get ahead.  Let’s focus on one particular type of clique that will become more prevalent and more destructive as the recession deepens – the Whiners’ Club.

To read the rest of this article from the Portland Business Journal, see: Members of Whiners’ Club definitely bad for business http://www.bizjournals.com/portland/stories/2009/04/13/story9.html

Members of the Whiners’ Club, whether they’re managers or staff, waste time and spread a cloud of negativity and apathy throughout the office.  They’re toxic.  They complain about everything: the global economy; the country’s education, health care, bureaucracy and legal systems; the company’s leadership and management; their immediate bosses and coworkers; increased workloads imposed because coworkers were laid off; the insecurity of their jobs and retirement funds.  You’ll never satisfy them.

The accuracy of the whiners’ observations isn’t the issue.  The issue is their attitude towards what they think are facts.  These people are professional victims.  They’ve decided that since the world is so rotten and the future appears so bleak, they’ll stop trying to succeed.  Instead, they give themselves permission to wallow in victimhood.  They use their negativity to bully and abuse other staff, to sabotage meetings and to control the workplace.

Does that sound like teenagers who feel entitled to be taken care of?

Often, the strong and clear voice of an outside consultant and coach can empower managers and also make changes compelling.  You’ll probably need to train conflict-avoidant managers how to evaluate and remove members of the Whiners’ Club.  Once you remove a few of the most negative people, most of the rest can be rehabilitated with the right approaches.

Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of whiner’s low attitudes.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Stop Bullies Who Know-It-All about Cancer

Our beloved four-year-old granddaughter has cancer. She finished surgery and is in radiation-chemotherapy mode.  They say there’s a good chance she’ll live long and prosper.  We grasp that life preserver and try not to cry all the time while we go about fulfilling other responsibilities. Thank you for that gasp and intake of breath.

All the staff at Children’s Hospital were wonderful.  All the families we met there were also kind, considerate, caring and thoughtful.  Disease and death are great levelers – we’re all there because were attached to a kid in trouble.

Almost all our family and friends are also wonderful.  We show up with food, holiday presents for all the kids, baby sitting, prayers, gasps, tears and arms-around sharing of pain and hope.

And then there are the very few know-it-all bullies and the vicious self-bullying that I want to talk about.

A few of the bullying categories are:

1. The religious missionaries. Their theme was that this happened to us because we didn’t belong to the right church or pray to the right God.  Or we carried some hidden sin that we’re being punished for or past-life karma is finally being manifest or bad genes are carried in the family.  And our granddaughter will be saved only if we convert to their correct way.
2. The health missionaries. Their theme is exactly the same in form, but different in content, as the religious missionaries.  This happened because we weren’t pure enough – bad water, not completely organic produce, not pure enough vegetarian or vegan, not enough cleansing of toxins, not pure enough affirmations or thought.  We all know there are some cancers and diseases that are made worse by bad living – smoking, drugs, alcohol, living next door to a leaky nuclear plant – but this is not one of those cases.
3. The political missionaries. Their theme is that the cause of her cancer is global, warming or cooling or environmental pollution, acid rain, fluoride in the water, America as a greedy, decadent, selfish, bad country.
4. The narcissistic, demanding, pushy, abusive, advice-giving missionaries. They give advice as if they know the absolute truth and no one else does.  They’re self-appointed critics who know what we should have done and what treatment we should select.  Often, they once knew someone who had a different cancer but they can predict, on the basis of their wisdom, what will happen in our granddaughter’s case.  They’re righteous in working out their issues and therapy on our bodies.  As if they’re important, not our granddaughter.  Or they’re intrusive strangers focused on their issues, causes and cures.  They think their feelings are important and we must do what they want or else their feelings will be hurt.  They’re throwing more temper tantrums than a four year-old.  As if I should care about their feelings during this time.
5. The emotionless professional bullies. They think emotion is a sign of weakness and maybe they’re upset by public displays.  Especially at work, they’ll look down on you if you cry or they’ll find a reason to get you transferred or fired.  They think robots are better than people.

All these missionaries sound alike, except the fault they focus on is a little different.  Whether their God is out there or their God is in their logic and reasoning, they’re convinced they’re right and they’re fervent and righteous about it.  Because they’re right and righteous, they think they can ignore or trample your feelings.  They think they know what’s best.

Of course, I can see that all these people have reasons, excuses, justifications – they want to help, they’re scared, in our diverse society they don’t know what’s proper, they’re simply awkward in how they try to comfort us, etc.

I don’t care about their problems and issues.  They’re adults.  They should have already learned to be gracious.  I care more about the family  going through it.

Never argue with missionaries and self-appointed critics.  It’s a waste of your time and energy.  You’ll never change their minds. They’re only trying to convert you –they know what’s right.

Some of us might say, “Stop it!” or “C’mon man!” Others will try to teach politely and graciously.  Still others will never talk to them again.

In all cases, we’re not waiting for them to become enlightened and nice.  We’re weeding through all these people and deciding who we’ll keep on our Isle of Song and who’ll be voted off or who must be kept for a while because they’re our workplace bosses.

And, of course, self-bullying kicks in.  It’s all too easy to feel blame, shame and guilt.

1. Should we have observed something wrong sooner?  Could we have been more perfect?  What bad parents they were.  What bad grandparents we are.  It’s our fault.
2. We should have cared more and been more careful.
3. Do we carry a bad genetic seed?
4. What if we’re wrong about the treatment we choose?  We can’t be sure.

None of this is useful.  Sure, there will be genetic testing, but all the rest of those thoughts are simply us making ourselves ride an emotional roller coaster; sometimes at the heights, sometimes in the pits, always being flung around and bruised.  Obsession, self-flagellation, negativity, depression, and loss of confidence and self-esteem don’t help.

What really matters is carrying on the best we can.  And ignoring the bullies or throwing them off our Isle.

You’ll find many examples of these types of bullies in “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” available fastest from this web site.

My staff doesn’t care: What’s the problem? Is it me?

Honest self-evaluation and course correction are key traits of great leaders, managers and employees. For example, suppose you complain that almost everyone in your department or organization is turned off and tuned out.  Are they all just a bunch of self-indulgent, narcissistic, lazy slackers or a rotten generation – or have you failed somehow?

To read the rest of this article from the Philadelphia Business Journal, see: My staff doesn’t care: What’s the problem? Is it me? http://philadelphia.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/stories/2009/10/12/smallb3.html

If your office is typical, you’d expect that a small group of employees won’t care no matter what you do.  They’re abusive, bullying bottom-feeders.  Their lack of discipline, responsibility and effort comes from the inside.  Begging, bribery, appeasement and coddling may make them happy, but won’t make them more productive.

Another small group, on the other side of a bell curve, will work hard all the time.  They take responsibility and care about your company’s success as well as their own.

But if that middle group, roughly 80 percent, doesn’t care, be honest and look at yourself.  You know that most people do care and want to be productive.

Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of their low attitudes.

Will you convert everyone when you start doing what you need to?  No, but you’ll see who are bullies, who’s in the bottom-feeder group and who’s so hurt, angry and disaffected that they can’t be won over.  Be kindly when you help these latter people leave.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes at Work

Might you have a serious problem in your team, department or whole organization?

• Are good employees protected from bullies, negative complainers, toxic coworkers, subtle manipulators, nitpicking control freaks, rule-floggers, gossips, passive-aggressive stalkers, energy vampires, meeting disruptors, demanders, meddlers, micromanagers, critics,  conflict-avoidant managers, “professional victims,” Drama Queens, or jerks?
• Are you wasting your time and effort to understand and rehabilitate splinters, rotten apples and cancers – at all levels in your company?

In this 3 CD set, “How to Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes,” complete with workbook, designed for managers at all levels, you’ll learn:

• Why good, well-meaning people fail to establish high standards of professional behavior, and how organizations participate in begging, bribery and appeasement of low attitude staff at all levels.
• How to recognize covert, sneaky, stealthy, backstabbing, manipulative bullies and their cliques.
• The true cost of negativity, emotional sabotage, poor customer service and low attitudes in your workplace and on your personal life.
• How to make attitudes and professional behavior as important as deliverables.
• The importance of the 990/10 rule and why not to “counsel” a problem employee.
• How to weed out determined bullies and predators, and turn around a culture of entitlement.
• Methods to protect your personal ecology from abuse, harassment and bullying behavior, and create and maintain team ground rules.
• Why you can’t stop bullying with employee satisfaction surveys.
• How the right discipline increases morale and team performance.

What’s the cost of accepting low attitudes?  Slow erosion of your soul!

Gain the courage and skills to handle the tough situations you encounter legally and do what you need to do as a leader.

Order “How to Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes,” by itself or as part of the Professional Life Bundle from this web site and get fastest delivery.

All tactics are situational.  In addition to these guidelines, expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Micromanagers just don't know when to let up

Harry defended himself by saying that he was following rules he’d heard in training: to increase teamwork, bring people together often; review production in your group often so you can keep people on track; give immediate feedback in public so everyone can learn from one person’s mistakes. But Harry is a micromanager.  Instead of making things better, he made them worse. He created frustration and dissention and stifled his staff’s initiative.

To read the rest of this article from the Philadelphia Business Journal, see: Micromanagers just don’t know when to let up http://www.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/print-edition/2010/10/29/micromanagers-just-dont-know-when-to.html

Micromanagers rarely have enough time for the important tasks.  They’re too busy managing the minutiae.  Of course, good managers make sure important tasks are done right.  But micromanagers think everything is a priority.  They can’t distinguish between what’s crucial for them to be doing with their own hands and what’s a waste of their time.  They’re usually nit-picking perfectionists with all-or-none thinking.

Micromanaging is usually driven by narcissism and fear.  Harry thought he was the only one who knew how to do things right.  He was afraid that if he let others forge ahead, they’d fail and his career would be derailed.  Also, he was afraid that if he gave his staff freedom, someone might outshine him.

Breaking the micromanaging habit is difficult.  Typically, as in Harry’s case, understanding when and why he developed the habit didn’t change his behavior.

But there was a way Harry’s manager could eliminate the high cost of Harry’s addiction to low attitudes.  She could help him change his behavior.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Harry defended himself by saying that he was following rules he’d heard in training: to increase 

teamwork, bring people together often; review production in your group often so you can keep people on

track; give immediate feedback in public so everyone can learn from one person’s mistakes.

Post #156 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Stop Bullies: Ignore Their Excuses, Justifications http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2011/02/28/stop-bullies-ignore-their-excuses-justifications/

Post #194 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Stop workplace bullies who beat you up with the rules http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2011/10/12/stop-workplace-bullies-who-beat-you-up-with-the-rules/

But Harry is a micromanager.  Instead of making things better, he made them worse. He created frustration

and dissention and stifled his staff’s initiative.

Post #190 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Be wary of these business animals http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2011/09/27/be-wary-of-these-business-animals/

Read more

To read the rest of this article from the Philadelphia Business Journal, see: Micromanagers just don’t know when to let up http://www.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/print-edition/2010/10/29/micromanagers-just-dont-know-when-to.htm

l

Micromanagers rarely have enough time for the important tasks.  They’re too busy managing the minutiae.

Of course, good managers make sure important tasks are done right.  But micromanagers think everything is

a priority.  They can’t distinguish between what’s crucial for them to be doing with their own hands and

what’s a waste of their time.  They’re usually nit-picking perfectionists with all-or-none thinking.

Post #14 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Top ten ways to create a hostile workplace http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2008/02/26/top-ten-ways-to-create-a-hostile-workplace/

Post #114 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Self-Bullying Perfectionism Can Ruin Your Life http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2010/04/12/self-bullying-perfectionism-can-ruin-your-life/

Micromanaging is usually driven by narcissism and fear.  Harry thought he was the only one who knew how

to do things right.  He was afraid that if he let others forge ahead, they’d fail and his career would be

derailed.  Also, he was afraid that if he gave his staff freedom, someone might outshine him.

Post #52 – BulliesBeGoneBlog 7 Signs of narcissistic control-freaks http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/02/05/7-signs-of-narcissistic-control-freaks/

Post #19 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Stop verbal abuse by a know-it-all-boss http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2008/03/19/stop-verbal-abuse-by-a-know-it-all-boss/

Post #117 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Stop Bullies at Work: Control Freaks http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2010/05/04/stop-bullies-at-work-control-freaks/

Breaking the micromanaging habit is difficult.  Typically, as in Harry’s case, understanding when and why

he developed the habit didn’t change his behavior.

Post #198 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Micromanagement is a double-edged sword http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2011/10/26/micromanagement-is-a-double-edged-sword/

Post #88 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Stop Bullies: Will Knowing Why Bullies Keep Abusing Us Help Us Stop Them? http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/10/04/stop-bullies-will-knowing-why-bullies-keep-abusing-us-help-us

-stop-them/

But there was a way Harry’s manager could eliminate the high cost of Harry’s addiction to low attitudes.

She could help him change his behavior.

BulliesBeGone Books and CDs http://www.bulliesbegone.com/products.html

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan

that fits you and your organization.

Post #63 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Workplace Bullying and Harassment: Recognize Common Techniques Bullies Use http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/03/25/workplace-bullying-and-harassment-recognize-common-techniques

-bullies-use/

BulliesBeGone Hire Ben http://www.bulliesbegone.com/hire_ben.html

Micromanagement is a Double-Edged Sword

We all know micromanagers whose control makes staff feel like their productivity, creativity and desire for responsibility is being strangled.  But the other way micromanaging kills is when a competent manager is suffocated by too many employees who do need micromanaging to be productive. And then there are the sneaky slackers and covert bullies.  The worst of these do just enough to get by, but they require you to be on top of them all the time in order to maintain any continuity of effort.

To read the rest of this article from The Portland Business Journal, see: Micromanagement is a double-edged sword http://www.bizjournals.com/portland/print-edition/2010/11/19/micromanagement-is-a-double-edged-sword.html

The situations outlined in the article are real; only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.  The manager of the teams involved stepped up to the challenge and the resulting change was well worth it.

Some people do need micromanaged and it can be worth your time and effort.  But don’t let your good heart or conflict avoidance or a manipulative slacker turn you into a micromanager.

The price will be your career and personal life.  People who are inclined to be micromanagers usually don’t know when it’s time to say, “No.”

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

An Effective School Anti-Bullying Program

Jenny Castor, Denver ABC-TV station KMGH-TV, video journalist reports on a program to stop school bullies that is actually effective, “Students Learn Anti-Bullying Skills Starting In Kindergarten.”  The accompanying video shows training to help “Young Students Exercise Ways To Defuse Mean Encounter With Potential Bully.” The driving forces behind the program at Most Precious Blood Catholic School are the principal, Colleen McManamon and assistant principal, Roxie Mountain-Weed.  While the program is based on standard offerings, they and their teachers and staff are the difference that makes the difference.

Notice these features in what they do:

• The program is fun for the kids.
• The kids learn how to keep their sense of confidence, strength and self-esteem while they practice responses to sarcasm, taunting, teasing, put-downs and harassment.
• Kids learn how to help each other resist and report bullying.  Witnesses really witness; they don’t become bystanders.
• Parents must be involved.  For example, there are mother daughter evenings to overcome the “Mean Mom; Mean Daughter” syndrome.

The training and participation side of the program decreases bullying by a huge amount.  A critical factor, usually not mentioned, is that both Colleen and Roxie and their staff stop bullies in their tracks immediately and get their parents involved.  I’ve met Colleen and Roxie; they’re wonderful, joyous and formidable.  Unlike what happens at others schools mentioned in the Channel 7 “Stop Bullying” series, in this successful program, targets are not made into victims while the bullies are ignored and enabled.

Don’t waste your time with nit-picky detractors and critics who have nothing better to offer.  Some people will say that they can only do this because Most Precious Blood is a private school or that the program takes too much money or that other school principals and staff don’t have the time.  Nonsense.

Look at the price to all kids at a school where bullying is tolerated or condoned, or the friends of bullies are allowed to pile on to victims by threatening and abusing them or by cyberbullying.  We all know the consequences of not stopping bullies and of allowing them continued contact with their targets, the bullying and violence will increase.

At schools that have a do-nothing principal or in which principals blame the victim; avoid the bully,” kids’ inner strength, courage, determination, perseverance, resilience are threatened.  You have to be the one to demand that principals keep your children safe while officials try to ignore you or thwart your attempts.

Principals who avoid the issue make the targeted children feel helpless and that their situation is hopeless.  It starts them down the path to being victims for life.  It destroys self-confidence and self-esteem.  It stimulates anxiety, stress, guilt, negativity and self-mutilation.  It starts children toward isolation, depression and suicide.

Of course, even when principals are cowards or are reluctant to protect your children, you can still protect them yourself.

Remember, all tactics depend on the situation – the people and the circumstances.  So we must plan tactics that are appropriate to us and to the situation.

If your children are the targets of bullies and school officials who aren’t protecting them, you need to take charge.  With expert coaching and consulting, we can become strong and skilled enough to overcome principals and other officials who won’t do what’s right.

“How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids,” have many examples of children and adults commanding themselves and then stopping bullies.  For more personalized coaching call me at 877-8Bullies (877-828-5543).

Colorado Needs Consistent Anti-Bullying Programs

We all remember: Colorado was home to the Columbine High School shootings in 1999.  But as Jessica Fender reports in the Denver Post, “More Consistent Anti-Bullying Program Urged for Colorado,” after 11 years “good intentions have devolved into an uncoordinated approach that ignores best practices in some instances and leaves state authorities with no clear picture of how well the myriad policies work.” As, “Susan Payne, [who] directs the state's Safe2Tell effort, [says,] ‘One of our issues is there is no consistency.  While each school has to have a bullying policy, their policy is unique to their school.’”

They’re right, but laws and policies are only the first of a number of necessary steps.

Instead of thinking about which component is the most important, let’s look at what’s necessary in a different way.  Think of what we need to stop school bullying as if you were imagining a target with a bull’s eye in the center.  Everything in the bull’s eye is necessary.  If you leave out one of the elements in the bull’s eye, you won’t be successful.

So what’s in that core bull’s eye?

1. Effective, well-written laws to specify what’s illegal; that is, what’s bullying.  Without these laws, people like Lori Drew, the mother who set-up the Facebook page and led the attack that caused teenager Megan Meier to commit suicide, can get away with that behavior.  Or the kids who tormented Phoebe Prince, Asher Brown, Jon Carmichael, Ty Smalley, Jaheem Herrera, Brandon Bitner, Samantha Kelly, Billy Lucas, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover and so many others in 2010 until they committed suicide, will also get away with it.  Don’t limit the laws to include only protected categories of victims based on race, sex, religion, sexual preference, etc.  Be inclusive about the abuse, no matter who it’s directed against.  Maybe the phrase about protected categories should be, “…including but not limited to…”  Laws should contain provisions against verbal bullying and cyberbullying, as well as physical violence and abuse.
2. Require all schools to have policies.  Make principals, staff, school district administrators and school boards legally responsible for stopping bullying in their schools.  This way, reluctant, lazy, uncaring principals will be forced to act or face criminal and civil penalties for their failure to protect targets of bullying who are in their care.  Also, responsible officials and administrators will have legal support for taking effective action to discipline bullies in the face of bullying or uncaring parents who would sue them for disciplining their bullying children.
3. Require all schools to have programs designed to stop bullies.  These programs should contain a sequence of swift and firm steps to remove bullies from schools and school activities like sports.  The steps should focus on protecting targets first, and rehabilitating bullies only after they’re removed.  Effective anti-bullying programs also educate bystanders to become witnesses.  That requires spelling out what witnesses should say and do, who they should report to and how principals and teachers will keep them anonymous and protect them.  Effective programs also include close contact with police, especially in cases of cyberbullying and physical abuse.
4. Require training for everyone involved with school children, including bus drivers and cafeteria monitors.  Increase recognition of the more subtle but very pernicious forms of verbal and emotional bullying.  Increase awareness of the difference between episodic arguments and even fights between kids versus destructive patterns of taunting, harassment and physical bullying.  Give all staff specific steps to follow in documenting and reporting bullying.

Colorado’s Safe2Tell program is a wonderful effort to help kids come forward anonymously and to bring legal pressure to bear on bullies, their parents and school officials who need to act.

Of course, laws, policies, programs and training are merely the necessary guidelines on paper.  What makes them effective are dedicated people who are concerned and courageous enough to stop bullying.

Consulting and coaching within individual districts and schools does produce effective programs, stimulates the leadership of strong principals and energizes the support of good teachers and staff.  In addition, there is a natural weeding out of people who choose not to act effectively and shouldn’t be put in positions of responsibility for children’s welfare and education.  Effective programs develop and highlight models of great adults acting on behalf of children.

We don’t need to wait until there are more studies about why bullies bully.  We don’t need to wait until we have more studies to define all the consequences of bullying that turns targets into victims.  We don’t need to wait until we can write perfect laws, policies and programs.

We know enough about the stress, anxiety, depression, self-hatred, negativity, and loss of self-confidence and self-esteem, to know that the effects of being a victim can be life-long.  Just as successful school bullies tend to become bullies as spouses and parents, and bullies at work, so victims of school bullies tend to become victims as spouses and parents, and at work.

We know enough to act now to stop bullies.  We do need to act before more lives are ruined while we analyze, debate and vacillate.  I’d rather err on the side of protecting targets at the risk of being to harsh on a kid that wasn’t really a relentless bully, than the present situation that errs on the side of protecting bullies and leaves targeted children isolated, unprotected, helpless and thinking that suicide is the only way to end the abuse and pain.

Expert coaching of kids and families helps them become strong and skilled enough to resist being targeted by bullies and to stop the bullies in their tracks.  These children do not become victims of bullying.  And their parents learn how to make school administrators, principals and teachers do their duties, even if they’re reluctant.