Don't let time-wasters impose on you

Are you effective at saying “no” to colleagues who waste your time?  If you answered “no,” you’re not alone. To read the rest of this article from the Dallas Business Journal, see: Don’t let time-wasters impose on you http://www.bizjournals.com/dallas/stories/2005/07/18/smallb3.html

We’ve all experienced time-wasters – people who regularly interrupt, gossip, tell bad jokes, share intimate details about their marriages or aches and pains, or go on endlessly about religion, politics or people they’re angry with.

Sometimes, they’re friendly, likeable people and we’re drawn in by their personalities and stories.  Sometimes they’re needy, malicious, annoying people who leave us feeling like we’re buried in dirty laundry, or limp, like our blood has been drained, or so frustrated we could scream.

Whether they waste our time because they’re friendly, bored, lazy, enjoy gossiping, need to tell their sad story, want to be liked or have hidden agendas, they’re oblivious to our need to get back to work.

There are two distinct steps we need to take in order to break free from time-wasters:

• Give ourselves permission to say "No."
• Then make our “no” effective.

The first step is harder than it seems for many people.  These people hold themselves captive to this bullying and abuse because they think the most important value is being nice, kind and not asking directly for what they want.  They let themselves get bullied because they’re too polite to resist.

Other feelings and reasons that typically keep people from setting boundaries effectively are: see whole article.

Time-wasters who ignore standard, indirect cues are rude.  We have to decide what’s more important; old rules about pleasing people or our need to succeed.

We’re not their therapists.  We’ve already tried to solve their problems and failed.  They’ve said, “Yes, but” to every suggestion.  We’ve also tried to like them enough so they won’t feel needy, but they’re always back the next day looking for more.

The second step to saying no effectively is to follow up with effective action.  Asking is not enough because, by definition, relentless time-wasters don’t respond to common, subtle cues.

Imagine a staircase of responses, moving up from the most indirect to more direct, firm ones.  Most people begin by giving indirect cues like ignoring time-wasters when they first come in, looking at their watches, turning away and continuing a task while they’re being talked at.

Since that hasn’t worked, we have to look and sound firmer as time-wasters force us to up the level of our response in order to get them to leave.  Start with a smile, control our side of the interaction and act as consistently as we can.  For more suggestions: see whole article.

A coaching client had been afraid that Mike would tell everyone that she was callous and hostile if she tried to stop allowing him to waste her time.  But when she used the methods we developed, people heard that she was able to get Mike out of her office.  They came to learn her methods.  Soon everyone in their corridor succeeded and Mike had to go to other floors to find listeners.

The exact words don’t matter.  The key is the power of “you” behind the words – our determination and firmness.  Don’t wait until we have a perfect response; simply remove time-wasters.  Actions speak louder than words.

How we cope with time-wasting bullies depends on whether we’re a peer, a supervisee or a supervisor.  There are no formulas, but there are guidelines.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Covert bullies like to manage timing of decisions

Some bullying bosses are overt.  They yell, micromanage, criticize relentlessly, make personal remarks, are never satisfied and never promote staff. Other bullies are more covert.

For example, Abby controls her team by making quick decisions and immediately shifting into action.  If you stop to deliberate, she’ll become exasperated and question your intelligence.  Because she’s in a hurry, few people get consulted in advance and things are always done her way. Once she’s made up her mind, she won’t change direction.

To read the rest of this article from the Philadelphia Business Journal, see: Covert bullies like to manage timing of decisions http://www.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/stories/2008/09/08/smallb3.html

Abby tries to control her managerial peers with rapid decisions.  Her arguments for speed can be very persuasive: No one wants to be thought of as “slow or stodgy.”

On the other hand, Alex moves with great deliberation and caution.  He’s just as controlling as Abby, but in the opposite way.  He wants to chew and digest all the details before he’ll decide.  If you want to move rapidly, he’ll become exasperated and question your intelligence and good judgment.  Because he controls the snail’s pace, few people even bother making input anymore.

If he doesn’t want to implement a plan, he’ll say he needs endless information and reflection.  Usually, his deliberations push so hard against deadlines that everyone has to work hectically at the last minute, including weekends.  He doesn’t mind because he’s still in control.

Alex tries to control his managerial peers by delaying decisions.  His arguments defending deliberation and caution can be very persuasive.  No one wants to be labeled “thoughtless or careless.”

People who are concerned with making good decisions will adjust their processes and timing to fit the situation.  Some decisions can be made with extensive input and deliberation, while others demand unilateral and rapid action.  Each style can be successful or have disastrous consequences, depending on the situation.

The rapid responses of many small businesses secured them productive niches while corporate goliaths deliberated.  Similarly, decisions made in the blink of an eye – based on accurate intuition, the hair standing up on the back of your neck or a wrenching in your gut – can save your life or business.  If you wait for proof, it will be too late.

But, of course, we don’t want someone building a bridge or an airplane based on snap decisions.

Be warned: Abby and Alex’s covert, controlling techniques are used just as much between couples in personal life and in family businesses.  However, the same mindset and methods that work to manage peers in corporate life can be effective in those more personal situations.

How you cope with bullies using these styles depends on whether you’re a peer, a supervisee or a supervisor – see complete article for details.

There are no formulas, but there are guidelines.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

'How-to' methods often miss out on crucial step

Most self-help literature focuses on the last step of a sequence – on how to do something better.  That’s why self-help books and workshops have titles such as “How to …” or “Best practices for …” Knowing what to do and how to do it better are important.  But that’s usually not the problem.

To read the rest of this article from the East Bay Business Times, see: ‘How-to’ methods often miss out on crucial step http://www.bizjournals.com/eastbay/stories/2005/07/18/smallb5.html

More often, the problem is the prior two steps before developing the skill: Developing the will to do something and then actually doing it.

I divide developing the will into two areas:

• The mindset – Developing effective attitudes and beliefs to get started, and developing the will to treat all excuses and obstacles as just speed bumps.
• The “heartset” – It means two things: Developing the determination, grit and tenacity to stick with it; and using the same emotional power we’ve utilized when we’ve relentlessly pursued something we’ve wanted, no matter how discouraging the voices, difficulties or obstacles.

The “how-to” steps for learning or improving skills usually are straightforward.  People often already know what to do before they read self-help books.

For example, learning to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a conference is a big fear for many people.  The how-to steps are well known: see the whole article for description.

Many people already know these steps – but just won’t put them into practice.  So they must develop their mindset and heartset in order to implement a potentially effective plan.

Most people have a litany of excuses for why they simply can’t get started or persevere.  Some of the most frequent excuses are: see the whole article for description.

People with these excuses aren’t stuck because of a lack of skill.  They haven’t gotten to the point of improving skills yet.  The real problem is that they’re stuck with poor mindsets and ineffective heartsets – stuck in past failures, being hypercritical of themselves, needing to be right, or feeling that each moment is life and death.  Sum that up as fear, perfectionism, laziness or inertia – real or imagined.

Particularly for managers, the proper mindset and heartset are crucial to overcoming poor time management, negating the fear of giving honest evaluations and not being overwhelmed by too much pressure.  Appropriate mindset and heartset are crucial in areas that can’t be squeezed into a how-to method any fool can follow – like leadership.

Appropriate mindsets and heartsets also are critical for people who want to lose weight and stay in shape.  Most people know exactly what they need to do: Eat less, eat better, work out.  But they have many good reasons why it’s too difficult.

Coaches can help you learn these skills and make you accountable for taking certain actions.  A good coach can also help you get past the mindsets and emotional blocks that have inhibited your resolve and perseverance.

Focus on the step that’s been an obstacle for you, and focus people you manage on the crucial step for them.  Until you develop appropriate and effective mindsets and heartsets, the how-to training won’t be effective.

To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

How to make values meaningful in your company

Do the leaders, managers and employees of your company really embrace and live its values?  Or do they treat your company’s values as nothing more than words on paper?  If you answered “words on paper,” you’re not alone. To read the rest of this article from the Business First of Columbus, see: How to make values meaningful in your company http://www.bizjournals.com/columbus/stories/2005/10/31/smallb5.html

Why?  Because all too often, the words merely represent what leaders want values to be.  Executives often don’t follow their own stated values, and/or create those phrases with little or no involvement from managers and employees, and no one requires compliance with values.

Typical management styles that create meaningless value statements include these examples: See complete article.

Some truths about effective values: See complete article.

Some effective guidelines:

• Leaders can begin the process of values clarification and specification, and then get staff at all levels involved in discussing and modifying them.
• At each level, managers should lead discussions and reinforce organizational values with their actions.
• Feedback must go in all directions, not only downward.
• Create written statements through an iterative process that never ends, so people have an opportunity to buy-in or leave on their own.
• Values become powerful through examples that demonstrate, “When that happens, we do this”
• Stories are the best way of spreading values in action.
• Effective implementation occurs when leaders work in concert with other leaders, and when managers work with their teams and interface with other managers to give immediate feedback – private and public.
• Poor technical performance and out-of-control behaviors, such as physical violence and embezzlement are usually easy to measure compared with behavior that reinforces or opposes attitudes and relational-communication processes.
• Values begin to affect behavior when they are evaluated, praised, rewarded and punished, using as rigorous and non-bureaucratic a process as possible.
• Internalization of values takes time and actually never ends, because people often hesitate and fear reprisals, and there are always new situations and new staff.

There are no formulas, but there are guidelines. If you consistently live your values, no extra effort is required.  It’s second nature for you.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  Especially if that means changing a culture of entitlement.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Eliminate 'rattlesnakes' from office interactions

Do you carry a “rattlesnake” in your hand?  Was it thrown at you or did you grab it willingly?  Do you typically throw them at other people? The rattlesnake represents the responsibility to make something happen or to change in order to please somebody else.

To read the rest of this article from the Silicon Valley/San Jose Business Times, see: Eliminate ‘rattlesnakes’ from office interactions http://www.bizjournals.com/sanjose/stories/2005/10/03/smallb4.html

Some bosses hurl rattlesnakes downstream.  Some employees toss them upstream to make a supervisor responsible for satisfying them.

One problem is that people usually pretend there’s only one responsible party in any interaction, and they throw the rattlesnake at someone else in order to establish blame and responsibility.  On the other hand, some people gladly take all the rattlesnakes and let the other person off the hook – as if they feel guilty for any imperfection or they enjoy being martyrs.  Then they have the burden of coping with rattlesnakes forever because interactions continue escalating.

But, in most interactions, personal and business, there are usually many rattlesnakes.

For example, at a team meeting, Kathy got hurt and angry when Peter said he hadn’t gotten a necessary document from her.  She fought back tears, scowled, crossed her arms, clenched her fists and swiveled her chair so her back was to the group.  Peter said he was sorry – he hadn’t meant to imply that she was incompetent.

How many rattlesnakes were there and who had them?  See the original article for more information and assessment.

Another example: Ellen got straight to the point in her performance evaluation of Glenn – she was frustrated.  He was technically skilled but he resisted change and pushed back loudly and repeatedly in meetings about why the team couldn’t do what it needed to do.

Glenn told Ellen that he didn’t like her style of managing and evaluating.  He felt disrespected and threatened because she was brusque, and that’s why he got defensive.  Good management, he said, meant that Ellen should adjust her approach to the preferred styles of each individual in the group.

How many rattlesnakes were there and who had them?  See the original article for more information and assessment.

When it gets to the stage of anger, people focus on their emotions instead of the work that must be done.  Harassment, bullying and abuse inevitably follow.

You can start de-escalating by doing the natural things: Don’t throw rattlesnakes and if someone tries to hand you one, don’t take it.

Great leaders don’t allow rattlesnake-tossing contests; they’re just a waste of time and energy.

Often, people need coaching to help them overcome their defensiveness and passive-aggressive tendencies, and to build the strength, courage, determination and skill needed to stop angry confrontations and to emerge as the obvious candidate for promotion.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Are you a hero or a bystander?

Sue Shellenbarger’s article in the Wall Street Journal, “Are you a hero or a bystander?” will help you analyze your potential to be a hero.  It’ll give you clues as to whether you’re likely to step up in a crisis. The article is typical of a way of thinking that’s irrelevant, misleading and destructive.

Some of the hidden assumptions behind the article are:

1. You are who you are; which is a product of the way you’ve been raised.
2. If you have certain beliefs – the reasons people gave for why they stepped up in a crisis – then that will determine how you’ll act.  If you don’t have those beliefs, you’re stuck as a bystander.
3. If we examine the factors that people give for why they act brave, then we understand heroism and we can replicate it.

That approach is a dead end and a waste of time; it’s all mental and irrelevant in human affairs.

Instead, try a much simpler approach:

1. Confront your fears.
2. Decide how you want to act in any 10 recent examples that have made the headlines – the shooting in the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, witnessing a car crash, hearing someone scream for help, etc.
3. Train yourself to act the courageous way you want to without thinking in the moment.

I know that sounds too simple but give it a try.

Remember, that’s the way we train cops, firefighters, paramedics, EMTs, etc.  That’s the way we train football, basketball and soccer players.  They do the drills over and over and over until they react the way they want without thinking.

For example, only a small percent of us will go to war, but a large percent of us will witness harassment, bullying and abuse.  How do you want to respond in the moment?  Do you want to be a bystander or spectator?  Do you want to be a witness or a defender?

Train yourself – discipline and preparation.

Remember Captain Chesley Sullenberger.  He’s the pilot who put that commercial, jumbo jet full of passengers down in the Hudson River with no loss of life.  He didn’t crash into Manhattan, which would probably have killed thousands.  How did he know what to do?  He’ll tell you that he heard of something horrific when he was about 11 years old, when people simply looked away instead of being courageous.  He vowed he’d always act bravely and he trained himself to be prepared so he could act effectively.  Discipline and practice.

Never accept that you are the way you are – fixed in stone – because of the genetics, family of origin, beliefs, values and attitudes you grew up with.

History is not destiny.

Instead, determine how you want to be and then train yourself.  It’s the only way to have a chance to be the person you want to be.

It’s your life.  Be the hero of your life.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, expert coaching by phone or Skype helps.  We can design a plan that fits you and your situation.  And build your will and skill to carry it out effectively.

To move up, be willing to take risks, responsibilities

If you think your company keeps you from advancing appropriately, you’re not alone.  But even if your organization’s leadership isn’t clear or doesn’t play fair, the responsibility for rising is yours. For example, at a particular company many managers often complained about the reasons their company hadn’t encouraged their promotion to leadership positions.

To read the rest of this article from the Business Journal of Jacksonville, see: To move up, be willing to take risks, responsibilities http://www.bizjournals.com/jacksonville/stories/2005/12/26/smallb2.html

But all their explanations revolved around their fear and hesitancy.  They blamed eternal circumstances, they were waiting for someone else to make their paths simple and easy, and they took no individual responsibility.

But external conditions are not the problem.  Conditions may be difficult or easy, but the problem is always in the individual.

One of the managers, Dave, had an epiphany: He was the problem.  His boss had said the same thing during their mentoring sessions.  His boss had said that Dave had passed the first test – he was competent and the boss could trust his numbers.

Next, his boss wanted to know if Dave had enough ambition and courage to take the initiative for his next steps; to speak up professionally at meetings, to risk being corrected and to learn in public.

There was no clear and specific list of stepping-stones for promotion, like there was when Dave was learning technical skills and was told exactly what would be on each test and how the test would be given.

This was the real world.  Tests were frequent and came without warning.  People didn’t play fair and there were winners and losers.

Also, Dave would have to deal with the way things are, not how he wants them to be.  For example, if Dave had hurt feelings in a hostile interaction with his boss, Dave would have to rebuild the bridge between them.  His boss wouldn’t approach him to make Dave feel better.

His boss could help him, but the ultimate responsibility for success would lie with Dave.  Was he willing to struggle and learn to play the game?

The fact is that path to advancement is never risk-free.  You will get your wrists slapped in public.  But if you never take those risks, you won’t advance.

As Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.”  In order to advance, Dave would have to impose his ambition and will on himself in order to overcome his fear and hesitancy.

What happened to Dave?  You may be expecting me to say that Dave’s real name is Sam Walton or Bill Gates.

No, Dave is simply Dave.  But he succeeded in his first steps.  He’s ambitious: he got help and took the responsibility and risk, and he has been promoted.

Often, people need coaching to help them overcome their hesitancy and self-bullying, and to build the strength, courage, determination and skill needed to take the right risks in a way that increases their chances of success.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Managers must be proactive to effectively handle smear campaigns

Suppose you’ve bitten the bullet and fired an employee for cause such as fraud, harassment or behavior inconsistent with your organization’s values.  And now your reputation is being tarnished because the employee and his friends are bad mouthing you.  They want to generate fear of and antagonism toward management. To read the rest of this article from Business First of Louisville, see: Managers must be proactive to effectively handle smear campaigns http://louisville.bizjournals.com/louisville/stories/2006/11/06/editorial4.html

Your overall goals are to resist the insidious smear campaign, maintain your reputation and establish the company’s support of its values and integrity, especially when dealing with sensitive personal information.  But, even though you have good evidence to justify firing the employee in question, you can’t reveal confidential, personal information in your defense and you want to minimize the risk of a defamation claim.

How can you get your side of the story across?

Here are some suggestions – see the complete article:

A great cue card for a conversation is: “We don’t discuss our employees’ personal issues with their co-workers because those issues are confidential.  I’m sure you wouldn’t want your personal issues discussed with others.”

“Unfortunately, sometimes, employees who have left the company or their supporters provide incorrect or incomplete information about their separations.  This starts rumors in the workplace and is very disruptive.  I’m glad that you came to me with your concerns.  I hope you understand that we need to take the ‘high road’ and continue to maintain these matters in confidence.”

Of course, some people will enjoy thinking the worst of you but most people will give you the benefit of the doubt if they’ve come to trust your integrity and judgment.  They’ll base their judgments on what you say and do day-to-day, before there’s a situation like an employee’s sudden dismissal to deal with.

If have a reputation for being open, honest and trustworthy, your employees will be more likely to accept that you acted with cause even if you can’t outline the specifics.

But if you’ve earned a reputation for being arbitrary and autocratic, employees will believe the worst – no matter what really happened.

Ultimately, you expect good employees to understand the need for confidentiality.

In addition to value statements containing general words such as trust, integrity, honesty and respect, specifically state company values as situational expectations of behavior. For example:

• We aren’t negative, don’t grumble, don’t feed the rumor mill, and don’t leave anonymous hate mail.  If we have an issue with someone or some decision that affects performance – not just a matter of personal taste or style – we go directly to the source and talk appropriately and professionally.
• If we don’t get what we want, then continued participation in negativity, the rumor mill and smear campaigns is participation in a one-sided attack on management, and will be evaluated as behavior below standards of team performance.

Sometimes, the smear campaigners, like terrorists, will attack you for stifling free speech.  Stand your ground.  We always put limits on what we say in public.  For example, free speech does not include shouting “fire” in a crowded theater, slander or promoting treason.

Legitimate leaders must take a strong stand to resist smear campaigns or they’ll create a power vacuum that will attract the most hostile and ruthless seekers of power.

How to deal with persistently negative employees

Dealing with employees who miss deadlines or whose work is below standard is relatively easy and straightforward.  Dealing with persistently negative employees who don’t make big mistakes or openly violate organizational policy is tougher for many supervisors. But it’s important that you deal swiftly and firmly because negative employees create suspicion, tension, cliques and hostility, and undermine leadership.

To read the rest of this article from the Dallas Business Journal, see: How to deal with persistently negative employees http://dallas.bizjournals.com/dallas/stories/2006/01/30/smallb3.html

Most insidious are negative employees who come to work on time each day and are good workers technically, so traditional performance evaluations will grade them adequate or even better. They use negativity for bullying to get control.

Sally’s behavior is typical – see article:

Sweet and placating supervisors excuse Sally’s behavior because each incident is too minor to make a big deal about, because “that’s just way she is,” or because they hope that if they give Sally what she wants, she’ll repay their kindness with a positive attitude and support.  But Sally is never satisfied.  She’s just a bully.

Inexperienced supervisors don’t know how to intervene effectively or are afraid that Sally will accuse them of harassment.  They feel isolated and helpless even though they’re supervisors.

But if you aren’t willing to face the difficulties and learn to act skillfully, Sally will take control of your team.  You don’t deserve to be a supervisor.

Some suggestions for dealing with a “Sally” in your organization – see article:

If Sally leaves but later wants to return, don’t allow that possibility.  If you waffle, you’ll be perceived as weak and no one will believe you in the future.

If you manage negative supervisors, you must act more swiftly because each person on your supervisory team affects more people than a frontline employee does.

How to deal with antagonistic 'rule people' in the workplace

Company rules and employees who follow them are essential for the success of your business.  But antagonistic “rule-people” can reduce team effort and sabotage your operations. To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see: How to deal with antagonistic ‘rule people’ in the workplace http://www.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2006/02/13/smallb6.html

Rule people aren’t necessarily malicious.  But their rigid inflexibility can cause as many problems as any troublemaker.  Rule-people:

1. See everything in black and white, need all procedures and boundaries clearly defined and labeled, with rewards and consequences spelled out exactly – no gray areas and no choices.  They need uniformity and repeatability, can’t handle ambiguity, uncertainty and what they perceive as mixed messages.
2. Insist on clear titles and privileges.  They want to know everyone’s exact job description, authority, responsibility and accountability.  They can’t handle matrix management – multiple reporting and task relationships.
3. Use authority and experts to back up their opinions.
4. Don’t like change unless they can see immediate and obvious advantages.
5. Need closure, want decisions made and set in stone, even if nothing has to be begun for years.
6. Compare themselves with everybody on every criterion.
7. Relate only through power dynamics – command, control and obeying orders. They’re bullies.  They don’t get things done through relationships or by simply pitching in.  They need to know where everyone stands.  They’re more comfortable knowing they’re on the bottom, than wondering where they are.

We all follow the rules sometimes, but “Edna” is a good example of an antagonistic rule-person. She uses the rules to intimidate people and advance herself at the expense of your supervisory authority and departmental productivity.  For example:

Other typical examples of rule-people in crucial roles are human resource and financial managers, and administrative assistants.

To work with an antagonistic, rule-person, you’ll have to:

• Be exacting and clear about rules, and demand what you need specifically in writing.
• Be prepared to be challenged if you treat the rule-person differently from anyone else.
• Include “professional, team behavior” rules – specific, detailed behaviors, not abstractions or attitudes – as important components in performance evaluations.
• Clearly label your actions; indirect cues, kindly suggestions, informal messages or casual conversations will not be counted as important.  You must say, “This is a verbal warning” or “This is a disciplinary action.”  Antagonistic, rule-people take any softening to mean that your feedback doesn’t have to be acted on.
• When they excuse their bad behavior with innocuous labels like, “It was a misunderstanding,” or “I’m just an honest person,” you must re-label it clearly as unprofessional.  For example: “Yelling or name calling is not a misunderstanding or honesty.  Neither is acceptable behavior at this organization, no matter how you feel.”
• Document everything.

Overly rigid rule-people who use the rules to serve their own selfish interests are problem employees.  They need to be dealt with promptly and decisively – or they will create big problems for you and your organization.

Generally, rule-people who want to help can become good managers and administrators, but they won’t be outstanding leaders.  They can oversee repeatable operations, but they won’t be able to act creatively and appropriately in the face of uncertainty, novel problems and risk.

10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work

If you’re not already doing all the work or aren’t stressed out to the max, here are 10 tips to increase your load by creating a culture of entitlement among your employees. I didn’t make them up.  I’ve seen organizations using these strategies to keep employees happy.

To read the rest of this article from the Business First of Louisville, see: 10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work http://www.bizjournals.com/louisville/stories/2008/07/21/editorial2.html

As a leader or manager, 10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work are:

1. Take responsibility and blame for everything.
2. Let staff publicly review every decision you make.
3. Satisfy every employee desire.
4. Revise your policies and procedures to accommodate every employee’s needs.
5. Don’t have deadlines; don’t pressure staff.
6. Accept all employee behaviors including harassment, bullying and abuse.
7. Don’t ever require change; keep rehabilitating poor employees forever.
8. Undercut supervisors.
9. Require positive and supportive evaluations.
10. Treat stars the same as poor employees.

Bonus tip: Offer guaranteed employment for life as if it’s employees’ right.

Some companies attempt to provide a better work environment by being sensitive to the needs and feelings of their employees.  Of course, you pay attention to what your employees want and need.  But don’t overdo it.

Great leaders create work environments that meet the needs of their businesses and enable their employees to be productive and effective.  They set expectations and hold staff accountable for what is and isn’t acceptable performance and behavior.  Productivity takes precedence over pleasure.

It’s not always easy.  Some people won’t like your rules.  But bending or abandoning reasonable rules and expectations in an effort to satisfy the malcontents and whiners doesn’t work.  They’ll never be happy or productive. And trying to satisfy them will drive your good performers away.

In our culture, many people think companies should be designed to make them happy and fulfilled.  Effective leaders make clear that anyone who isn’t willing to follow the rules is welcome to leave.  Encourage entitled employees to work for your

Of course, slight modifications of these tips can be used to create cultures of entitled managers.

Build a winning workplace, not just a happy one

How do you build a happy workplace?  Typical team-building activities, flex-time, event tickets, free pizza on Fridays, a wilderness-survival course? I suggest a different goal: Create a “winning” workplace instead of a “happy” one.  If you build a winning workplace – including shared sacrifice, accomplishment and reward – you’ll also have a happy one.  You’ll retain only those people, at all levels, who are happy when they’re being very productive, winning and being rewarded.

If you focus on “happy,” you’ll only create an unproductive organization based on begging and bribery.

To read the rest of this article from the Business Journal of Jacksonville, see: Build a winning workplace, not just a happy one http://jacksonville.bizjournals.com/jacksonville/stories/2006/11/06/smallb4.html

Most of us think of “happiness” in terms of “what will they give me?”  But getting paid all that you want and having a good time working only when it’s convenient aren’t the reasons your customers are paying you.  They want results and service.

Outstanding performance will become a test of whether specific team-building activities and rewards are paying off.

You’re not looking for people who are happy only when they can hang out with friends or when they’re doing only what they prefer.  You want people who celebrate when there’s an accomplishment, not just because it’s Friday.

You’re also looking for people who develop camaraderie by feeding off accomplishment; who become more productive working with other good people.

Don’t bother with academic questions like whether it’s better to be an approachable, exuberant leader or a distant one.  Debates stimulated by sociology research or individual preferences won’t help you.  There is no one-style or ideal model of a successful leader. Become the best one of your type of leader.

You don’t need to be a party animal to create a winning team, but you do need to be successful, to foster success for others and to appreciate and reward them – no matter what your style is.  Do that and the best people will be eager to stay.

Nitpicking, control-freak bosses always lose their best employees

Are you a nitpicking perfectionist?  You might not think so, but what does your staff think?  If so, it’s time for change.  Because for all their good intentions, control freaks generally do more harm than good. To read the rest of this article from the Business Journal of Portland, see: Nitpicking control-freak bosses always lose their best employees http://portland.bizjournals.com/portland/stories/2006/07/31/focus7.html

Of course you want to make sure things are just right, especially on documents that might have legal consequences or if they’ll be seen by big customers or big bosses.  But what are the consequences of going too far?

For control freaks, there is no “too far.” They nitpick every document and e-mail.  They red-pencil every word and choice of layout, font style and size.  They’ll even correct their own changes if you feed them back a second time.  They think no one is quite as good at anything as they are.

You know the type: The boss who plans the details of every small event, spends an afternoon directing exactly where to place balloons or strings of lights, designs the organization’s web site, takes a day to oversee re-painting stripes in the parking lot or argues directly with vendors about minor details.

They used to be called “seagull bosses” because they flew in sporadically, squawked a lot, left a mess and flew off to squawk about something else.

A steady diet of bullying and correcting staff – especially in minor details or matters of taste and style – means that control freak bosses don’t have time to do their real jobs.

Inevitably, staff motivation, morale and productivity suffer.  Nitpicking perfectionists gloat while using sarcasm, put-downs, negativity and yelling.  Even staff not directly involved are affected by the waves of discontent and ridicule that spread to every part of the organization.

The most creative and responsible staff will leave.  Those who stay are willing to endure more micromanagement because they think it ensures they won’t get blamed for mistakes.

How do you recognize if you’re a control freak?

Most nitpickers get the wake up call the hard way: Someone tells them the harsh truth.  It could be a big boss, letting you know that you’re wasting your time nitpicking and you’d better deliver on your real tasks.  It could be a colleague or supervisee telling you why you’re overworked, why people laugh behind your back or why your best people are leaving.

The key to stopping compulsive nitpicking is hiring and training people who are at least as good as you are and then giving them their appropriate turf.  But of course, controlling bullies usually lack the guts to have good people around them.

How can you deal with a control freak boss?  Don’t take the attacks personally.  It’s not about you; it’s simply how they operate. Some choices are:

Cultivating tomorrow's leaders should be a priority for execs

The key to cultivating the next leaders of your organization is to work every day to help the candidates get what they need in order to make their next steps.  By “cultivation,” I mean gardening – not training, grooming or developing.  Cultivation takes time, sunshine, water and manure. You should require candidates to make the same investment of themselves.  Any potential leader who isn’t willing to do that should be removed from your list.

To read the rest of this article from Austin Business Journal, see: Cultivating tomorrow’s leaders should be a priority for execs http://austin.bizjournals.com/austin/stories/2006/08/07/smallb4.html

Sometimes the next steps are easy – mastering and demonstrating specific skills.  The methods for learning may also be easy – training and practice.

More often, though, it’s not that easy.  The biggest challenge is mastering more difficult people skills – for example, making necessary adjustments of personal attitudes, learning how to lead different types of individuals.  You will have to weed out individuals who have poor attitudes – negative, defensive, arrogant, righteous, narcissistic, abusive bullies.

Many small business leaders concentrate on what they’ve been told they need to do in the workplace: develop vision and goals, bring in new clients, oversee daily details and monitor monthly earnings. Their meetings focus on tasks and tactics, on the urgent and daily business.

Since they don’t take time to cultivate their leadership team, they end up complaining that their candidates aren’t stepping up.  But cultivating the personal capabilities and people skills of the individuals they depend on is their most important task.

Managers of leadership candidates can play crucial roles without overburdening their schedules.

The key is offering yourself and your time – continuously, honestly and frankly.  Give up your excuses for not doing this personal, on-going mentoring, such as “too busy, don’t like emotion and personal interactions, I’m a big picture person, the worthy people will learn by themselves.”

If you keep putting off cultivating, you’ll continue being overwhelmed.  And you’ll wonder why your best people don’t develop – or why they quit.

Leaders who overreact can poison workplace, infect staff

Leaders set the tone for the whole workplace.  Like a deadly infection, your emotions and reactions are catching.  Generals who panic will create panicky troops.  It’s the same at work. No, you can’t be yourself if you overreact to sudden changes, crises, bad news or big mistakes.  Your team will also overreact and blow it if you act:

• Agitated, panicky.
• Discouraged, negative, hopeless, helpless.
• Stubborn, stuck.
• Defensive, harassed, victimized, paranoid, abused, explosive, bullying.
• Thrilled by a desperate adrenaline rush.

To read the rest of this article from Business First of Columbus, see: Leaders who overreact can poison workplace, infect staff http://columbus.bizjournals.com/columbus/stories/2006/10/16/smallb5.html

Over reactors always have excuses for why they must react the way they do.  But remember the fire drill that every public figure, including athletes and celebrities, must learn in order to be followed – keep your head, have fortitude, persevere.

Don’t get sucked into any situation as if it’s life-or-death, no matter how important you’re afraid it is.  Step back, put it in a long-term context that restores your spirit, and start thinking and strategizing.

Sometimes a walk around the block is enough; sometimes you have to talk it out in order to see the big picture; sometimes you simply have to give up fear and control, and just go for it.

The ultimate goal of all the methods is that you rally yourself so you can rally the troops, no matter how bad the situation appears.

An effective attitude begins with, “We can handle this. Here’s my plan.”  Or you first go to the appropriate leaders, develop the best plan you can and then spread it to the troops.

You need a plan, but you don’t need a perfect, 10-year plan.  Don’t become immobilized by over planning.

By the way, “all-staff” meetings carry an underlying message of overreaction – unless there’s been a public disaster and everyone needs to see the leader calmly, energetically and resolutely explaining the plan for dealing with the situation.

Otherwise, have the manager of each team champion the plan with determination.

Practice courage and strength by taking on challenges and risks.  Be capable of rallying yourself from setbacks and handling seemingly overwhelming crises, or let someone else lead in the face of adversity.

There is an upside; leaders can also set the tone for the good.  Like inherited immunity, calm, vigor and stamina are also catching.  When you’re spirited and resolute, you’re testing everyone else.  People who continue overreacting have to be weeded out before they infect your workplace.

Being righteous can blind you to unwanted consequences

Too many people are blindsided because they think that being right is enough.  It isn’t. And righteousness can make you blind to the unwanted consequences you’ll create.

So what should you do when you’re absolutely right about what’s wrong?

Three examples of blinding righteousness:

To read the rest of this article from the East Bay Business Times, see: Being righteous can blind you to unwanted consequences http://eastbay.bizjournals.com/eastbay/stories/2006/11/27/smallb3.html

All three examples had the same underlying pattern: people who were sure they were right and confronted, harassed and bullied other people with their righteousness.  In each case also, the other people pushed back hard, and the righteous person suffered and felt blindsided by unwanted consequences.

Sally was surprised her boss was angry after the grapevine told him what she said behind his back.  After all, Sally knew she was right.  She was also surprised her boss thought she was negative, difficult to work with, didn’t want to plan with her and now had his eyes out for her replacement.

Jane was always surprised when people disliked her.  She couldn’t understand why.  She was only telling the truth.  She was also surprised when Barry’s boss wrote her up as abrasive, abusive, disruptive, bullying and not a team player.

Harry was released that day.  The owner said that although Harry had tremendous promise and had been the spark plug of the project, he wouldn’t allow any employee to take that hostile approach with senior staff.  They’d suffer without him but they’d manage.

Sally, Jane and Harry’s righteousness blinded them to fairly predictable reactions from the people around them and to the importance of acting strategically in making their points.

I’m not saying they should have overlooked what they saw and remained silent.  But being right isn’t enough.

Be strategic in how you go about trying to fix the problem. After you’ve judged what you see, step back and think about the most effective strategy to change the situation without going up in flames.

If you’ve decided that you’re being treated unfairly and the situation won’t be rectified, make your point with good grace and leave, if necessary, with a good referral.  Or choose to go up in flames and be happy with the consequences of your choices.

Good tactics and high standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

When should you keep a curmudgeon?

The worst part of having a curmudgeon on your staff is that you may have to put up with him, at least temporarily, if he’s valuable to your organization.  But he has to be very valuable.  And “temporarily” is the key word. Imagine, for example, a senior manager who criticizes every idea and decision openly at meetings and also behind his boss’ back.  Sometimes, he simply rolls his eyes, snorts, drums his fingers or overtly uses his smart phone.  The major expression of his negativity is “harrumph.”

To read the rest of this article from the Memphis Business Journal, see: When should you keep a curmudgeon? http://www.bizjournals.com/memphis/stories/2007/02/05/smallb3.html

He’s worse than impersonal.  He’s an active curmudgeon.  He makes clear he won’t go to birthday parties and other celebrations because they’re a waste of time and he’s too busy.  Or he goes and grumbles audibly the whole time.  You can almost hear him saying, “Bah. Humbug.”

He always knows the “right” answer and thinks “discussions” are him expressing his opinion, followed by everyone else acting instantly on his plan.  He’s an expert at harassment, bullying and abuse of power.  If he’s entrenched in the organization, he’ll even criticize his boss publicly.

This curmudgeon’s actually pleased he has a reputation as a no-nonsense guy.  When employees leave his department, he’s sure they couldn’t stand his high standards, weren’t willing to work hard enough or didn’t have the brains to keep up with him.

The most devastating effect of allowing such bullies to stay is that your actual culture – not the politically correct statements you’ve posted on wall plaques – is exposed.  Around these cranky, negative, toxic people, performance decreases and behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Also, creativity is destroyed, morale plummets and turnover increases around him.  That may convince you to make a thoughtful decision about removing him.

Many experts tell you to get rid of the curmudgeon right away; it’s the people-oriented, moral thing to do.

Dealing with “special cases” I have a somewhat different view.  In some fields and with some tasks, you may decide to accept the behavior because he’s unique and successful.  Typically, those are the fields in which genius counts.  Some examples are: the arts and theatre, surgeons, researchers, inventors, programmers, architects and athletes.  Or a special case may be the owner’s mother or children.

If you want to retain other valuable managers and maintain a respectful culture for the rest of the organization, make clear to everyone, including the curmudgeon, your reasons for keeping him, the behavioral lines he can’t cross and your plans to minimize brain damage to the rest of the staff.  Otherwise you’ll simply allow him to victimize everyone.

As his boss, you’ll have to micromanage him.  The words “communicate better” don’t have any meaning to him.  He thinks he’s communicating just fine and doesn’t know or value any other way.  Use behaviorally specific cue cards, “Say this. Do that.”

Peers will often put up with a curmudgeon because they can minimize contact and laugh behind his back.

But if he’s your boss, decide whether to put up with his behavior cheerfully, try to get upper management to change the behavior, transfer or retire.  Don’t endure behavior you can’t live with cheerfully.  Life is too short.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Fire People Who Think They're Entitled to Run Things

Imagine you’re a newly appointed project leader of an existing management team.  How do you know if you’re walking into a club of entrenched buddies who want to run the show and will sabotage your efforts?  And what can you do about it? To read the rest of this article from the Business Journal of Jacksonville, see: Fire people who think they’re entitled to run things http://jacksonville.bizjournals.com/jacksonville/stories/2007/04/23/smallb3.html

I recently observed a team of a dozen managers with that dynamic.  Harry was the newly appointed project leader.  His two predecessors, also experienced leaders, had been unable to move the team forward.  Both reported problems building team agreement and developing aligned effort.

Sitting in on a team meeting, I saw two people repeatedly cast furtive glances to a third, who signaled displeasure by frowning, eye rolling and head shaking.  After each instance, the trio resisted the direction being taken by the rest of the group.  During a break, the three clustered outside, reinforcing caustic personal comments about Harry.

A little investigation on my part revealed the extent of the pattern.  One person was the Queen Bee, obediently supported by her attentive court.  She thought she should run the whole team because she always “knew best.”

The core of the pattern is that righteous and arrogant people feel entitled to special privileges.  They make their own rules and have double standards.  They’re self-reinforcing, and ignore or don’t care about what other people think.

The pattern is a common one.  It’s especially prevalent on boards of directors and in government offices and nonprofits.  People like this trio will fracture any group, destroy productivity and subvert the next generation of potential leaders. Their personal agendas to achieve power and esteem take precedence over the job.

What can you do if you find yourself in a similar situation?

• Recognize that fixing it will take determination and skill.  A powerful image of the situation will help keep you on track.  Harry saw them as a grown-up version of a high school clique; three princesses who know they’re the best and deserve to be in charge.
• You can try reaching out to the offenders in an effort to get them working with the rest of the team.  But don’t count on that approach succeeding.
• Harry tried a conciliatory approach but the trio was so arrogant and deluded that every gesture he made to find common ground was interpreted by them as an admission that he was wrong, was begging forgiveness and was ready to follow their direction.  The previous two leaders had also tried to placate them and failed
• But, whether you’re a peer or a project leader, you can’t afford to ignore them.  If left unchallenged, they form a not-so-secret power structure that will sabotage your best efforts to succeed.  They will force you to take sides.  For them, it’s about control and adoration.
• Don’t be a faithful drone.  Take steps to take away their power to do harm the organization.
• Reasoning and evidence won’t change these people.  And only a small percentage of them learn their lessons from their obvious failures.
• This is not a task for wimps.  You’ll need the help of your management, which means you need to do your homework and document your case.  Look for a smoking gun.  When you’re ready, shine a light on the pattern and confront the offenders head on.

If you find yourself in a situation like this one, quietly build an airtight case, gather allies and act decisively.  And be prepared for a battle.  People like that trio are a cancer in any organization. Remove them surgically before they metastasize.

If we don’t act promptly and decisively, performance decreases.  Behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Narcissists, incompetent, lazy, gossip, back-stabbing, manipulation, hostility, crankiness, meeting sabotage, negativity, relentless criticism, whining, complaining, cliques, turf control, toxic feuds, harassment, bullying and abuse thrive.  Power hungry bullies take power.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Select leaders who are excited by challenge, change

If you think that fear of change is normal human nature, you’re wrong.  That’s especially true for the leaders you select. For example, Harry was slated to move up to Senior Vice President in a few years.  In the meantime, his division needed to change its direction and way of doing business.  He must groom a great leadership team and weed the appropriate people.

To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see: Select leaders who are excited by challenge, change http://www.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2007/03/12/smallb8.html

One member of Harry’s present, six-person team had to be let go.  He was an excellent project manager and he liked being custodian of repeatable processes.  However, he couldn’t handle the changes required.  His need for controlling every detail led him to resist fluid goals, processes and relationships.  He got rattled, constantly threw up roadblocks and underperformed.  In order to solidify his position, he also tried to sabotage his competition.

Another member of the team felt threatened because there wasn’t enough lead-time to prepare for shifting hurdles or moving targets.  She found a cookie-cutter job with fewer challenges.

Harry got the standard leadership advice:

• Change makes people fearful.  They feel like victims.
• Normal people are slow adapters or resist change forever.  They’ll be negative, critical and complaining.
• People must go through five psychological stages before finally accepting forced change.
• Don’t expect too much during a transition.  Before your staff performs at high levels again, they’ll need lots of pampering and time to feel safe and confident.

I disagree. While resistance may be the norm in our society at this moment of time, that doesn’t make it normal.  In other cultures and in America in the past, “normal” was to be excited by change.  That’s where the great rewards are.  Think of Edison, Rockefeller and Ford, for example.

Whenever our ancestors came to America, last year or 30,000 years ago, they faced huge changes and took great risks.  They thrived, or we wouldn’t be here.  We have those hardy genes.  People who thrive today will have the same qualities their ancestors had.  They won’t be brainwashed into feeling fragile.

Our normal reaction to change can be eager anticipation; just as we had before our first day of surfing or skiing.  Like life, these activities are inherently dangerous and exhilarating.

In truth, our only security is in ourselves; not in false guarantees of employment for life.  Anyone who needs guarantees will fight to make an organization stay the way it is, which will kill it.  They won’t rise on their teams.

If we try to force things to stay the same, performance decreases.  Behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Narcissists, incompetent, lazy, gossip, back-stabbing, manipulation, hostility, crankiness, meeting sabotage, negativity, relentless criticism, whining, complaining, cliques, turf control, toxic feuds, harassment, bullying and abuse thrive.  Power hungry bullies take power.

The higher you go in a company, the more you have to keep your head in the game when things change suddenly.  Harry’s company isn’t downsizing, but most people who stay will have to learn to function well in continual change.  He’ll provide training, consulting and coaching – but not hand-holding.  And he won’t be conflict-avoidant in protecting the high standards he needs.

Of course, there’s tremendous risk in moving ahead.  But there’s more risk in fighting to stay the same.  A static organization will become unprofitable and all staffers will become unemployed.  Since only a few basic processes will stay the same, people who are comfortable only when repeating a known process will become uncomfortable.

Get over discomfort.  Our feelings aren’t handed to us in stone.  Don’t wait until we’ve developed a sense of safety and confidence, or an abundance mentality.  Take responsibility right now.

Life is an open system.  Get used to it.

High standards for how to respond to challenges and change protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

To Stop Bullying, Clarify Your Hierarchy of Values

Sometimes we must fight ferociously to stop bullies at school, at home and in the workplace because the responsible authorities won’t act, despite the evidence. But other times, we are the problem.  We have conflicting values we can’t choose between so we don’t act effectively; we stay stuck – uncertain and indecisive.  We vacillate instead of acting with determination and perseverance.  We give in.

A few examples in different areas of life are:

• Stopping school bullies – some people tell their children to believe that all people are good underneath, that the best method to stop bullies is to be nice and to befriend them, and never to use violence.  Or the kids may be stuck because they don’t want to squeal to teachers or the principal, but they can’t stop bullying by themselves.  Because they can’t choose which value is more important, they become victims.
• Stopping bullying spouses – some people accept control, manipulation, harassment, bullying and abuse because they think their most important value is that they made a vow for life, no matter what, or they’ve been taught to honor old rules about what their role is marriage requires, even though their spouse is selfish, narcissistic and insensitive.
• Stopping bullies in families – some people might not want to confront family bullies, even adults who have and/or still are molesting children.  They hold back because they think that they shouldn’t tell family secrets or they don’t want to disrupt family unity or peace and quiet.  Or they’re stuck because they wouldn’t want to lose the relationship with a parent, child or sibling – even when that relationship hurts almost every time.  Or they give in to temper tantrums or put up with bullying teenagers because they think that having children like them is more important than setting behavioral standards and consequences.
• Stopping toxic friends – some people maintain unhealthy, controlling relationships because they value forgiveness and friendship even though it’s extremely painful and debilitating.  So they suffer in silence.
• Stopping bullies at work – some people don’t complain because they wouldn’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings or get someone fired.  If they can’t choose between protecting themselves since that might mean harming someone else, they won’t be able to stop bullying.

While many other values and reasons can factor in, including important ones like keeping a job that puts food on the table or even survival.  I hope you can see that if all of our values are held to be equally important, then when they contradict each other, we’ll be stuck.  Or, if one value is always held to be most important, for example, non-violence, or being nice and sweet, or never disagreeing or upsetting someone, then we’re guaranteed to fail in some situations.

The way out of this impasse is to:

1. Rank our values in importance; have a hierarchy of values. Then we know which one is more important in which situations.  For example, is it more important that your children have contact with an angry, hostile, bullying, controlling, abusive, brutal parent because children need parents or is it more important for your to set an example of standing up to bullies and protecting them from being beaten, even if that means they don’t see that parent?
2. Honor the most important values first. Don’t honor a lesser value if that means you won’t be able to honor a more important value.  If honoring a more important value conflicts with a lesser value, honor the ones that are most important.
3. Plan a strategy that’s most likely to succeed. Children tend to blurt things out.  They think that if they’re right, that’s enough.  Everyone will follow them or some protector will rescue them and make things right.  Adults know that in order to succeed we often have to be careful in how we do things.  And there may be no rescuer, no matter how right we are or what we think we deserve.
4. Carry out the strategy with single-minded focus, determination, courage and perseverance. Be relentless in a good cause – your most important values.
5. I am not recommending situational ethics; I am recommending situational tactics.

We won’t make things better for ourselves or our children by being a peacemaker.  Tactics like begging, bribery, endless praise, appeasement, endless ‘second chances,’ unconditional love and the Golden Rule usually encourage more harassment, bullying and abuse.  We won’t get the results we want; we won’t stop emotional bullies or physical bullying unless we’re clear about which values are more or less important to us.

If we don’t create a hierarchy for conflicting values, we’ll wallow in negative self-talk, blame, shame and guilt.  We’ll get discouraged, depressed, despairing and easily defeated.

We can use many techniques to clarify our patterns and to prioritize our values in a way that will make us more effective and successful.  The take-home message is always to cut through impasses and solve our problems.  Don't be a victim waiting forever for other people to protect you.  Use your own power.  Say “That’s enough!”  Say “No!”  Stopping bullies is more important than never using violence.

For some examples, see “Bullies Below the Radar: How to Wise Up, Stand Up and Stay Up,” “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids,” available fastest from this web site.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, expert coaching by phone or Skype helps.  We can design a plan that fits you and your situation.  And build your will and skill to carry it out effectively.