Do you carry a “rattlesnake” in your hand? Was it thrown at you or did you grab it willingly? Do you typically throw them at other people? The rattlesnake represents the responsibility to make something happen or to change in order to please somebody else.
To read the rest of this article from the Silicon Valley/San Jose Business Times, see: Eliminate ‘rattlesnakes’ from office interactions http://www.bizjournals.com/sanjose/stories/2005/10/03/smallb4.html
Some bosses hurl rattlesnakes downstream. Some employees toss them upstream to make a supervisor responsible for satisfying them.
One problem is that people usually pretend there’s only one responsible party in any interaction, and they throw the rattlesnake at someone else in order to establish blame and responsibility. On the other hand, some people gladly take all the rattlesnakes and let the other person off the hook – as if they feel guilty for any imperfection or they enjoy being martyrs. Then they have the burden of coping with rattlesnakes forever because interactions continue escalating.
But, in most interactions, personal and business, there are usually many rattlesnakes.
For example, at a team meeting, Kathy got hurt and angry when Peter said he hadn’t gotten a necessary document from her. She fought back tears, scowled, crossed her arms, clenched her fists and swiveled her chair so her back was to the group. Peter said he was sorry – he hadn’t meant to imply that she was incompetent.
How many rattlesnakes were there and who had them? See the original article for more information and assessment.
Another example: Ellen got straight to the point in her performance evaluation of Glenn – she was frustrated. He was technically skilled but he resisted change and pushed back loudly and repeatedly in meetings about why the team couldn’t do what it needed to do.
Glenn told Ellen that he didn’t like her style of managing and evaluating. He felt disrespected and threatened because she was brusque, and that’s why he got defensive. Good management, he said, meant that Ellen should adjust her approach to the preferred styles of each individual in the group.
How many rattlesnakes were there and who had them? See the original article for more information and assessment.
When it gets to the stage of anger, people focus on their emotions instead of the work that must be done. Harassment, bullying and abuse inevitably follow.
You can start de-escalating by doing the natural things: Don’t throw rattlesnakes and if someone tries to hand you one, don’t take it.
Great leaders don’t allow rattlesnake-tossing contests; they’re just a waste of time and energy.
Often, people need coaching to help them overcome their defensiveness and passive-aggressive tendencies, and to build the strength, courage, determination and skill needed to stop angry confrontations and to emerge as the obvious candidate for promotion. To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.