Promote Yourself by Promoting Your Leader

What do successful leaders look for when they hire or promote people to front line supervisor, manager or even other leadership positions?  The same guidelines you must follow if you’re the appointee and want to serve and manage your leader successfully. To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see: Promote Yourself by Promoting Your Leader

http://denver.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2001/03/26/smallb4.html

Technical skills are just the beginning; what usually makes or breaks performance are the attitudes and actions that reinforce a good working relationship in the workplace.

If you’re the leader wanting to help yourself and your manager succeed, be clear about what you can give and what you want.  Review the list below together.

If you’re the new appointee, follow these guidelines to promote both yourself and the leader.  There’s a different set to follow if you’re out to stab the leader in the back. See the original article for details.

• Make the leader as efficient and effective as possible.  Adjust your style to what the leader needs to be comfortable.  Don’t try manipulation, harassment or bullying to make the leader conform to yours.
• No good decision can be made in a vacuum.  Find out the leader’s priorities for you - especially if they’re not articulated or clear.  Argue if necessary to iron them out, but then make them yours.
• Learn how the leader thinks.  Have ready what you’ll be asked for.  Learn the leader’s guiding principles, values, bottom lines and red flags - make them yours.
• Clarify appropriate measures for your team’s performance, track them and review the results with the leader.
• No Surprises.  Make sure the leader hears bad news from you in plenty of time to develop a backup plan.
• Trust is priceless - cultivate the deserved reputation for being above board.
• Cover the leader’s back.  No negativity, bad-mouthing or back-stabbing.
• Don’t make the boss do your dirty work; don’t even allow it.  Don’t nag and don’t say that you told them so.
• Think of the best interests of the whole company, not just your own turf.

Your job is not limited to your job description; it’s to succeed and make the leader look good.  When you hire your staff, make them buy in to the same list in support of you.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Covert bullies like to manage timing of decisions

Some bullying bosses are overt.  They yell, micromanage, criticize relentlessly, make personal remarks, are never satisfied and never promote staff. Other bullies are more covert.

For example, Abby controls her team by making quick decisions and immediately shifting into action.  If you stop to deliberate, she’ll become exasperated and question your intelligence.  Because she’s in a hurry, few people get consulted in advance and things are always done her way. Once she’s made up her mind, she won’t change direction.

To read the rest of this article from the Philadelphia Business Journal, see: Covert bullies like to manage timing of decisions http://www.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/stories/2008/09/08/smallb3.html

Abby tries to control her managerial peers with rapid decisions.  Her arguments for speed can be very persuasive: No one wants to be thought of as “slow or stodgy.”

On the other hand, Alex moves with great deliberation and caution.  He’s just as controlling as Abby, but in the opposite way.  He wants to chew and digest all the details before he’ll decide.  If you want to move rapidly, he’ll become exasperated and question your intelligence and good judgment.  Because he controls the snail’s pace, few people even bother making input anymore.

If he doesn’t want to implement a plan, he’ll say he needs endless information and reflection.  Usually, his deliberations push so hard against deadlines that everyone has to work hectically at the last minute, including weekends.  He doesn’t mind because he’s still in control.

Alex tries to control his managerial peers by delaying decisions.  His arguments defending deliberation and caution can be very persuasive.  No one wants to be labeled “thoughtless or careless.”

People who are concerned with making good decisions will adjust their processes and timing to fit the situation.  Some decisions can be made with extensive input and deliberation, while others demand unilateral and rapid action.  Each style can be successful or have disastrous consequences, depending on the situation.

The rapid responses of many small businesses secured them productive niches while corporate goliaths deliberated.  Similarly, decisions made in the blink of an eye – based on accurate intuition, the hair standing up on the back of your neck or a wrenching in your gut – can save your life or business.  If you wait for proof, it will be too late.

But, of course, we don’t want someone building a bridge or an airplane based on snap decisions.

Be warned: Abby and Alex’s covert, controlling techniques are used just as much between couples in personal life and in family businesses.  However, the same mindset and methods that work to manage peers in corporate life can be effective in those more personal situations.

How you cope with bullies using these styles depends on whether you’re a peer, a supervisee or a supervisor – see complete article for details.

There are no formulas, but there are guidelines.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Don’t Stress Out Trying to Motivate Slackers

You’ve heard it a hundred times, “A great manager can motivate anyone.” Hogwash.

The fact is some slackers simply don’t care and are beyond motivation.  And it’s a waste of your limited time and energy to keep trying.  If you’re sick and tired and stressed out because you’ve accepted responsibility for motivating slackers, prepare for the inevitable effects of continued frustration and emotional pain.  You’ll be exhausted, burn out and get physically ill.

Unfortunately, managers often find themselves pressured to motivate everyone.  And both they and their bosses may see these managers as failures when they can’t pull it off.  It’s time to give them a break.

To read the rest of this article from the Business First of Louisville, see: Don’t stress out trying to motivate slackers http://www.bizjournals.com/louisville/stories/2007/05/28/editorial3.html

Many slackers are like teenagers who don’t want to take out the trash or clean their rooms.  They pretend they’re not responsible or don’t know how.  They act as if there’s a debate going on between them and their managers, and they don’t have to do the work unless they like the bribe.  Slackers are sneaky, manipulative bullies.

Motivating your employees is an important part of being a good manger.  It’s also important to recognize the ones who can’t be motivated, so you don’t waste time trying to do the undoable.

If they’re not performing, let them know immediately and link consequences and rewards to performance.  You can’t make them happy enough to work hard.  If they don’t respond to praise or fear with increased productivity, let them look for a job where they’ll be appreciated for slacking.  Or, maybe, a termination will change their slacker attitude.

You’re not looking for people who require constant motivation and micromanagement.  You’re looking for people who come to you inspired and eager to face challenges, who take responsibility and who succeed.

Keeping a slacker forces good performers to pick up that slack.  You’re simply spreading the stress around so you don’t have to bear the whole burden.  That’s a poor reward for a good performer.  It’s as if you’re saying, “I can count on you so I’m going to give you a bonus of extra work.  We’re going to continue paying that underperforming slacker while you carry their slack in addition to the two jobs you already do.”

The most dismal cases are in organizations that promote slackers to management or allow slacking managers to stay.  That spreads slacking over a wider territory.

In the real world it’s everyone’s job, including a president or CEO, to motivate his supervisors that he’s worth keeping.  Why should it be up to your managers to motivate the slackers on your payroll?  Slackers should be working hard to motivate you to keep them.

Slackers create the same symptoms.  Performance decreases.  Behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Narcissists, incompetent, lazy, gossip, back-stabbing, manipulation, hostility, crankiness, meeting sabotage, negativity, relentless criticism, whining, complaining, cliques, turf control, toxic feuds, harassment, bullying and abuse thrive.  Power hungry bullies take power.

Don’t waste your valuable people time on slackers.  You won’t make things better being a peacemaker.  Begging, bribery, endless praise, appeasement, endless ‘second chances,’ unconditional love and the Golden Rule usually encourage more harassment, bullying and abuse.  Stop emotional bullies and stop bullying.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

To Stop Bullies, Don't Suffer in Silence

Although each situation is different, bullies exhibit common styles, techniques and patterns.  These commonalities enable us see what responses are ineffective and also to develop responses that are effective to stop bullying. Whether in relationships, by our own children’s temper tantrums or nastiness, by false friends, at school or in the workplace, there is one rule of thumb that’s critical in order to stop bullies: Don’t suffer in silence.

For some relationship examples, see the comments to the articles:

• Get Away from a Controlling, Bullying, Abusive Husband
• Abusive, Manipulative Husbands Who Control Wives
• Top 12 Warning Signs of Controlling Husbands

Too many women see the early warning signs of bullying and abuse, but ignore them.  They feel the jealousy, the control, the verbal and physical abuse, and the isolation.  They’re criticized, chastised, belittled and demeaned endlessly. Their money is taken away.  Their children are brutalized.  Often, the sons imitate their father’s behavior.  Often, the girls grow up to think that such harassment, bullying and abuse are normal, and they should be prepared to accept it when their turn comes.  And yet, these women stay and suffer in silence.  Often, they say they love the bully.  They don’t make the critical step of saying, “That’s enough.  I’m gone or you’re gone.”

Of course, women can inflict the same punishment and pain on their spouses.

At school, too many kids suffer in silence also. Often, kids are physically intimidated into silence. Often, kids are too ashamed to reveal their guilty secret or they don’t think their parents can or will help.  Often, they accurately see that principals, teachers, counselors and psychologists won’t help them.  Often, they think it’s their fault; they must be doing something wrong or they must be bad people in order to attract so much taunting, teasing, harassment and brutality.  Often, other kids pile on physically, verbally and by cyberbullying.

Kids’ silence prevents effective action from the principals and teachers who would protect them.

As parents, we must learn to recognize the signs that our children might be subjected to bullying and abuse.  Sometimes, we must pry the truth out of our reluctant kids.  Sometimes, we must check their phones, computers and social websites.  Sometimes, we must investigate with parents of their friends or with teachers.  Sometimes, we must learn to force reluctant principals to act, even though that might violate our old beliefs or values.

Do-nothing principals promote, collude and enable bullies to flourish in the dark.  Do-nothing principals and teachers are a major factor in student suicides

In all cases, we must not be passive; instead we must respond. Suffering in silence inevitable leads people to feel like victims; helpless and hopeless.

We already know that minimizing or ignoring relentless bullies doesn’t stop them.  We know that trying to understand, forgive, appease, beg, bribe, be nice or reason with real-world bullies doesn’t stop them. The Golden rule doesn’t stop these ignorant, insensitive or narcissistic predators.

I’m not going into the many reasons that targets suffer in silence.  We don’t need a scientific study to analyze all the reasons.  If we and ten friends make a list, we’ll cover more than 90% of the reasons. So what?

What’s important is that whatever our reasons are, we already know we must overcome them.  We must act despite our feelings of reluctance.  Just like we wouldn’t be swayed by bullies’ excuses and justifications, we can’t give in to our self-bullying ones.

We must develop the will to stop bullying. I think of the will as the engine that gives us the power to go where we want to go.  The engine is the will to do whatever it takes to stop bullies – determination, courage, mental and emotional strength, perseverance, resilience, endurance, being relentless.  The old word, still perfectly good, was grit.

Of course, we need skills – learning how to steer.  But without an engine, all our skills, all our ability to steer, won’t matter.  Without an engine we won’t get anywhere.

Don’t suffer in silence.  Don’t whine or complain; speak up.  Give yourself a chance.  Test the world: Who’ll help you and who won’t.  That tells you about them and whether you want to vote them off your island.

For some examples, see the case studies in “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids,” available fastest from this web site.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, expert coaching by phone or Skype helps.  We can design a plan that fits you and your situation.  And build your will and skill to carry it out effectively.

Promoting a 'Drama Queen' is guaranteed to create chaos

‘Drama Queens’ and their male counterparts may look like they’re responding quickly – rallying the troops, taking charge and solving problems.  But they cause more chaos at work and create more fallout than the problems they’re reacting to.  Don’t be fooled by their high energy and don’t promote them.  Drama Queens come in many forms.  For example: To learn to recognize and stop them, read more.

To read the rest of this article from the Houston Business Journal, see: Promoting a ‘Drama Queen’ is guaranteed to create chaos http://www.bizjournals.com/houston/stories/2010/01/25/smallb3.html

Although they come in many forms, Drama Queens share some common traits.  They:

• Act as if drama is more important than results or that they believe that drama is necessary to get results.  They suck everyone dry of emotional energy.
• Seem strong and forceful, and are perfectionistic, nit-picking, control freaks.
• Over-react as if everything is a matter of life and death.  They jump to conclusions and blow up.  They’re super-intense, angry, hostile and emotional, instead of thoughtful.
• Want all hands on deck and devoted to the latest emergency.  Nothing else matters.
• Are vindictive blamers.  They take everything personally and remember forever.
• Think that spewing of emotions reveals the “real” person.  They’re uncomfortable with coworkers they see as expressionless.  To Drama Queens, loud emotions show strength; calm people are wimps.

They use their strong emotions and manipulations to get what they want.  Sometimes they’re overt bullies while other times they use sneaky, covert bullying tactics.

Our language has many expressions for the perspective necessary for judicious action: ‘Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill; don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater; don’t try to kill mosquitoes with a bazooka; don’t jump to conclusions; don’t promote a Drama Queen.’

There are ways you can eliminate the high cost of a Drama Queen’s bullying and low attitudes.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Backlash: Women Bullying Women at Work

In an article in the New York Times on May 9, 2009, “Backlash: Women Bullying Women at Work,” Mickey Meece describes numerous cases of women bullying women at work. Of course, women abuse, harass and sabotage other woman at work, just like men do to each other.  Sometimes they’re overt and sometimes they’re stealthy, sneaky.  Isn’t that your experience?

More important than distracting questions and considerations about how much they do it, why they do it or do they do it more or differently than men, are:

• Do you recognize the early warning signs of bullies?
• Do you know how to stop them skillfully?

Women often say that other women aren’t as overt about bullying; they’re more likely to be stealth bullies.  Some use tactics that are sneaky, manipulative, backstabbing; some form cliques and start rumors or demeaning put-downs; some pretend to be friends and bad mouth you behind your back; some are negative, whining, complaining “professional victims;” some are passive-aggressive.  And some can be nit-picking, control-freaks just as much as men.

How about Meryl Streep and other unsavory characters in “The Devil Wears Prada?”

Some are splinters, rotten apples and cancers – at all levels in your organization.  Just like men who bully.

As I show in my books and CDs of case studies, “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes,” bullies are not all the same, but their patterns of behavior, their tactics, are the same – whether they’re men or woman.  That’s why we can find ways to stop them.

Ignoring the problem or begging, bribery, appeasement, simply reinforce low attitudes and behavior at all levels.  A major part of the problem are conflict-avoidant leaders, managers and co-workers who think that if we all talk nicely to each other or try to make bullies happy, they’ll stop bullying.

If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey.  Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.

When women and men learn how to stop bullies in their tracks, we develop strength of character, determination, resilience and skill.  We need these qualities to succeed against the real world bullies they face – men or women.

Of course, individual coaching will help you design tactics that fit your specific situation.

Often, the strong and clear voice of an outside consultant and coach can change these behaviors or empower managers and staff to remove these bullies.  I’ve often helped companies and even non-profits and government agencies create and maintain behavioral standards (team agreements, ground rules for professional behavior) that promote productivity.

When women derail other women in the office

In her article in the Wall Street Journal, “When women derail other women in the office,” Rachel Emma Silverman comments on Peggy Klaus’ article in the New York Times, “A Sisterhood of Workplace Infighting.” Both discuss an estimate that female office bullies who commit verbal abuse, sabotage performance or hurt relationships, aim at other women more than 70% of the time.  Both discuss the psychological reasons why women hurt other women and why they don’t protect them.

Of course, women abuse, harass and sabotage other woman at work.  Sometimes they’re overt and sometimes they’re stealthy, sneaky.  Isn’t that your experience?

More important than distracting questions and considerations about how much they do it, why they do it or do they do it more or differently than men, are:

• Do you recognize the early warning signs of bullies?
• Do you know how to stop them skillfully?

Women often say that other women aren’t as overt about bullying; they’re more likely to be covert, stealth bullies.  Some of the common tactics and perpetrators are:

• Sneaky, manipulative, backstabbing.
• Forming cliques, starting rumors, mastering demeaning put-downs.
• Pretending to be friends, but bad mouthing you behind your back.
• Negative, whining, complaining “professional victims.”
• Passive-aggressive behavior.
• Nit-picking, control-freaks, just as much as men.

How about Meryl Streep and other unsavory characters in “The Devil Wears Prada?”

Some are splinters, rotten apples and cancers – at all levels in your organization.  They need removed just like men who bully.

As I show in my books and CDs of case studies, “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes,” bullies are not all the same, but their patterns of behavior, their tactics, are the same – whether they’re men or woman.  That’s why we can find ways to stop them.

Ignoring the problem or begging, bribery and appeasement simply reinforce low attitudes and behavior at all levels.  A major part of the problem are conflict-avoidant leaders, managers and co-workers who think that if we all talk nicely to each other or try to make bullies happy, they’ll stop bullying.

If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey.  Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.

When women and men learn how to stop bullies in their tracks, we develop strength of character, determination, resilience and skill.  We need these qualities to succeed against the real world bullies we face – men or women.

Of course, individual coaching will help you design tactics that fit your specific situation.

Often, the strong and clear voice of an outside consultant and coach can change these behaviors or empower managers and staff to remove these bullies.  I’ve often helped companies and even non-profits and government agencies create and maintain behavioral standards (team agreements, ground rules for professional behavior) that promote productivity.