Suzie wanted the best for her kids.  She knew life would be competitive and dangerous, and she wanted her kids to know the rules they needed to follow in order to succeed and to be accepted by the best schools and the best people.  Consequently, she pointed out every mistake they made and corrected them every time they weren’t perfect.  The result was an endless stream of negativity and criticism.  But she’d never admit she was creating a problem; she was doing it for their own good.

Harry knew he was right in every aspect of life.  Verbally and physically, he was going to beat his kids into the shape he wanted.  They’d better listen or else.  Harry knew he was beating them into submission and he was proud of it.

Even though we might think the motives and styles of Suzie and Harry were different, the results on their poor kids were the same.  Relentless negativity and criticism had their typical effects.

The kids became anxious, terrified of the slightest mistakes and always searched for the rules they could follow to avoid the harassment, bullying and abuse.  They developed hunched shoulders and facial tics. They were afraid of trying new things or going into new situations.  They were crushed by any setbacks or failures.  Every mistake seemed a matter of life and death.  They became experts at self-bullying.  They’d been trained by parents who acted that way.

The kids wanted to be perfect but were psychological messes.  Since they proudly passed on negativity and criticism to their peers when they saw them making mistakes, they became isolated.  No one enjoys being beaten and their friends had a choice to leave.

Sophia, from “Modern Family,” captures a better way: “I’ll be the wind at my son’s back, not the spit in his face.”

The best way to learn how to parent effectively is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to deal with the specific situation you’re in.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.