Sylvia’s daughter is simply rotten to her and her husband.  The girl is a 39 year-old woman but she still acts like a child.  She demands everything she wants, yells at Sylvia, blames all her problems on Sylvia, is never grateful for anything they give her, curses them and has even stolen money from Sylvia’s purse.

She comes by with no notice to drop her 3 year-old daughter on Sylvia, with no idea about how long she’ll need help.  If Sylvia objects, her daughter yells that Sylvia doesn’t love her granddaughter and will never see her again.  Sylvia loves her granddaughter but also likes to plan her time.

Sylvia’s daughter says if they love her they’ll always pay for what she needs, take care of her daughter whenever she needs, agree with her and support her decisions.
She’s always testing whether they love her enough.

Sylvia is fed up and wants to stop the negativity, abuse and bullying but Sylvia’s husband can’t bring himself to take any action.  He begs his daughter to listen but he always gives in when she doesn’t.  She’s his little girl and he’s responsible for making her happy.  He’s clear, “How can I say “No,’ when I love her?”

That’s the problem for Sylvia and her husband.  He thinks that love means giving his baby girl everything she wants to make her happy.  As long as he believes that, he’ll never change their dance of death.  And Sylvia will be forced to choose between giving up her life, fighting him to the death or divorcing him.

As long as we have to be the mommy or daddy who bails them out and is responsible for their happiness, they have to be the little children.
Which means they have to rebel and argue and make our lives miserable.  Which also means they can remain narcissistic, entitled, dependent, surly teenagers for the rest of their lives.

The more we do for them, the more they’ll blame us for everything, including finally kicking them out of the nest.
I’ve never seen the tactics used by Sylvia’s husband change these weak, narcissistic children.

Sylvia’s husband had to learn a more effective expression of “love.” And an updated version of his role as father to a woman who is almost 40.

When he learned that being a father meant he had to show her the effects of her child-like temper tantrums, had to set high behavioral standards fitting a grownup, had to make her pay the price of her actions, he and Sylvia were able to protect their lives from their toxic adult child.

He turned everything around when he insisted the he was now testing the woman his beloved, little girl had become.
It was now her job to make them happy if she wanted anything from them.

The best way to learn how to love effectively is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to deal with the specific situation you’re in.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling