One of the ways sneaky bullies suck people in is to use their target’s empathy and compassion. These bullies are experts at playing “poor me.”
Marie could hear it in her spouse’s voice and see it in his body. It wasn’t his fault or responsibility that life hasn’t worked out the way he wished. Other people or forces were to blame. He shouldn’t have to bear the consequences.
He couldn’t get a job that was just right for him so she had to support him. It wasn’t a man’s job to do chores around the house so she just had to do them all. He expected her to do everything and got angry and vicious when she didn’t. He was consistently negative, critical and abusive.
Marie had been raised to be a nice girl, a caretaker, a handmaiden, a rescuer, an enabler.
She was suckered into pitying him and doing what he wanted. He didn’t have to lift a finger. When she started to rebel, he accused her of having no empathy or compassion for his feelings or difficulties. She felt guilty and her heart broke again for her poor baby.
Finally, something in Marie snapped.
Her feelings mattered to her. If she wanted to have the future she longed for, she had to kick her little bird out of the nest. She started to have empathy and compassion for herself.
In addition, she realized that he’d never have a chance to grow up if he could leech off her all his life. She wasn’t helping him by letting him feed off her.
Using her old style, she wasn’t really a rescuer, she was actually meddling in his development as an adult.
She had to wean him. When he whined, complained and bullied her, she began to say, with compassion and sympathy, “Poor baby, you have a real problem.” She didn’t jump in to solve it for him.
He fought being weaned. After she divorced him, he immediately found someone else to take care of him.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.