Of course, we all want our relationships to be wonderful and we all want to make our partners happy.  But Marion was sure that wasn’t working for her.  After living with her boyfriend for three months, Marion had gotten tired of trying to make her boyfriend happy.

When he moved into her place which was much better than his, he’d started off pleased with her.  With her good salary, he’d started off pleased since he couldn’t seem to look for a job.  But during the three months he’d gotten angrier at her each day.  He became critical and negative when she didn’t get him what he wanted fast enough.  He became angry and vindictive when she didn’t do what she wanted.  He became controlling, bullying and abusive to her in front of her friends.

He laughed at her discomfort and pain.  He attacked any protests she made.

It seemed to Marion that the more she tried to please him, the more demanding and nasty he got.
She knew how abused he’d been as a child but he never wanted to change.  She was tired of the arrangement but she felt stuck.

She’d been raised to think if the relationship wasn’t good, if he was unhappy, it was her fault.
Her main task in life was to make him happy and if she did that enough, why then he’d be pleased with her and be nice to her.  It was her duty to change him slowly by her complete and unconditional love of him and by her acceptance of his role as head of the household.

Finally, when Marion looked at her old, childhood beliefs and the roles they demanded, she rebelled.
She decided on new beliefs and roles she’d adopt now, as an adult.  These new ones would be built around two people working to make each other happy by bring nice to each other.  He wasn’t trying to make her happy at all and she’d find someone who would.

Marion heaved a sigh of relief.  Her shame and guilt vanished.  She acknowledged dreading getting married or pregnant because she thought she’d be stuck for life then.  Now she acknowledged she wouldn’t want to bring up a son acting like that father and she wouldn’t want a daughter seeing her mother taking that treatment – for any reason.  And now she could get free before it was too late.  

I’d say the same to anyone, even if they were already married or had children.  The degree of difficulty might be higher, but the direction would be the same.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situationThe best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling