Toxic boundary-pushers come in all shapes and sizes - husbands, wives, parents, adult children, friends, dates, co-workers.
Some are open in trying to beat you into submission. Others are sneaky and manipulative. Typical tactics include:
- They’re narcissistic; only their wants and reasons (excuses, justifications) matter. You count only to give them what they want at the moment. They change their demands and reasons anytime they feel like it.
- They want you to argue with their reasons because they’ll never concede a point or agree with you. You’ll never get their understanding or permission to do anything different from what they want. You’ll be trapped arguing until you give in.
- They’ll use emotional blackmailing words like “You’re uncaring, selfish, demanding, disagreeable, not nice, too proud or stubborn.”
- They always know best; they’re right and righteous. They’re bullies who mastered their techniques and methods.
- Sometimes they’ll be sweet but your experience tells you that they want you to relax before they push the next boundary or make the next demand.
- When you try to make peace through negotiation, you’re the only one who gives anything. Then they start pushing the boundaries you agreed upon in order to start a new round of negativity and harassment until you concede some more.
- You know you’re facing one when you feel pushed, controlled and abused. Your vote never counts when it goes against theirs.
Appeasement and bribery never succeed because they always want more. You know that from your own experience.
You can’t stop them by being nice and reasonable. They have totally different meaning for those words. To them “nice” and “reasonable” mean you do what they want.
They only way I’ve ever seen to have a chance is to be firm about what you will and won’t do.
- You can learn to be calm and smiling and firm at the same time.
- Never try to justify yourself. They will win if you debate or argue. Just keep repeating your original declaration until you feel like walking away.
- Then walk (or hang up or send them away). Threats without consequences are bribery. Simply apply the consequences with a smile.
Enjoy taking back control of yourself.
Remember, you’ll be condemned whatever you do or don’t do so do what you want with joy. They don’t get to vote
Don’t believe them they try to convince you that you’re helpless and resistance is futile.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to stop being used, manipulated and bullied is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.