When the way we thought our lives would be is destroyed, how do we continue on? How do we give new meaning and purpose to our lives?
In my counseling-coaching practice, I hear it all the time, “My life has no meaning now:”
- “I built my life around my children but they’ve estranged me and never want to see me again or let me see my grandchildren.”
- “I thought we were the perfect couple but she/he divorced me and never wants to see me again.”
- “I escaped my toxic, bullying, abusive parents. Now they’re old and sick and still horrible, and they insist I take them in.”
- “I always wanted a large, warm happy family, but we can’t have children. We’ll die all alone”
What meaning does your life have when the center you counted on has been destroyed? When a life’s dream, built at age 5 or 10 or 15 or 20, has blown up and we’re left with rubble and maybe even no satisfactory explanations, how do we create new meaning in our lives?
It’s actually simple and clear, but very hard for many people.
I don’t think much about a meaning for my life. Personal preference. Instead, I think about what I choose to center my life around. What do I want to do, intensely, passionately and with determination, given the givens of my situation?
That question has been around forever. Disaster and death have usually been unexpected, rapid and totally life changing. When plague or famine or tsunami swept through the villages of our ancestors, when the horde came over the hill and killed all the men and took all the women and children into slavery, when civil war, genocide and holocaust fell upon our ancestors and they lost everything and everybody, how did some survivors create new lives with new joys and new connections?
Simple: they created new lives; despite the loss, pain and maybe guilt. They didn’t surrender to despair, defeat and depression. They didn’t let the pain overwhelm them. They didn’t forget the lost dreams and the old people, but they stepped, slowly and painfully, into new lives with new people that might bring joy and love. They did it and you can too.
That’s the message of this season.
As the sun in the northern hemisphere slowly dies, new birth and new life awaits for each of us, if we struggle toward the light in our futures. Like seeds, we must break free of our hard shell of pain and loss, and struggle to rise toward the warmth of new joys with new connections. We must push through the pain and sorrow in order to bear new fruit. We must create our own new meanings when the old ones are gone.
Be the hero your life.
You’re the only one who can do it. What better do you have to do?
“You have to give up the life you planned in order to have the life that’s waiting for you.” James Hillman
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.