How can we deal with horrible, seemingly intractable, relationship problems?  How can we get it right?

You know; stopping negative, controlling, bullying, abusive spouses or partners.  Stopping manipulative parents or toxic adult children or even two-year olds or teenagers.  Stopping obnoxious neighbors, acquaintances or friends.  Stopping people at work you hate to see.

Most of us try to figure out the right approach or we consult experts who’ll tell us the latest, sure-fire approach.  But that’s a poor way to live; guarantees self-doubt, insecurity and helplessness.

That “engineering” or “expert” approach is crucial in many areas of life.  Engineers, pilots, doctors, nurses and many others have to get it right.  If you’re building a bridge, flying a jumbo jet or trying to stop a life threatening illness we want you to get it right.

But when it comes to relationship problems, don’t try to be an engineer.  Live life as a scientist.  Scientist don’t need to get it right.  Scientists:

  1. Do experiments.
  2. Evaluate the results.
  3. Use that information to plan the next experiment.
  4. Repeat the cycle.

That’s how you get to where you want to be with less mental and emotional damage.

Really, we learned the hardest things that way; manipulating our parents to change and feed us at 2 am, walking, talking, bicycle riding, skiing, sailing, etc.

Some people call that trial-and-error.  That’s a mistake.  Instead, think of it as trial-and-course-correction.  Sounds better.  Gives you more comfort and freedom.  Or call it “the Method of Successive Approximations.”  That’s at the heart of computer algorithms and sounds really fancy.

So live life as a scientist.
Review all the previous experiments you’ve already done with those people.  List the results.  Plan the next experiment you want to try.  Do it.  Repeat.

You won’t get caught in analysis paralysis, obsessing on being perfect.  You’ll feel much better and freer.  You’ll see a wider range of possibilities.  Your feelings won’t be hurt while you move ahead.

History is not destiny.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situationThe best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling