If you have toxic parents, remove them from the center of your solar system; stop revolving around them.
I’ve discussed toxic parents in some recent blog articles:
- “Leaving toxic parents and enabling family.”
- “Leave toxic parents; create a home for your heart and spirit.”
We grow up revolving around our parents. They are like the sun around which we orbit. We get what we need and want from them. We endure their narcissism, manipulation, control, bullying and abuse. We endure blame, shame and guilt. They beat us into shape on the anvil of daily life. We learn how to be people from them.
We want them to love us. We struggle to bribe them or change them so they’ll be nice to us.
We love them and we hate them.
Getting away from them physically is not enough.
We finally leave and struggle to be independent physically and financially. That means we go to school, get jobs, get married – in some combination and sequence. But we still carry them in our heads and hearts; we still love them and hate them. We still revolve around them mentally and emotionally, dancing between acceptance and rejection, forgiveness and guilt, love and hate. We still pay attention to them.
To be truly free, leave home mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
To travel, unencumbered by them, into the second half of our lives, we need to remove them from the center of our solar system and cast them far away into the outer universe. Maybe into a black hole. Then they can take their rightful place in our world – far away, about the size of one pixel, insignificant; out of sight and out of mind.
Then we can be free from post-traumatic stress. Then we’re free to pay attention to our own lives and put 100% of our energy into making it wonderful.
Toxic parents stole the first half of your life, don’t let them suck the blood out of the second half.
The best way to learn how to stop revolving around toxic parents is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to get toxic polluters out of your inner life so you have space for the wonderful people who will want to be with you.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.