Tom was being bullied by someone he’d known for years. With a smile and a soft voice, the other guy put Tom down relentlessly, mocked him or shouted at him publically, stabbed him in the back and spread rumors about him. Tom had tried to ignore the negativity and criticism all that time or to rise above the harassment and abuse.
When Tom finally labeled the other guy as a bully, he wanted to defend himself and he wanted to strike back. Even though he felt like his blood was being poisoned by this snake, he hesitated. His questions were typical: If I resist, am I a bully? If I strike back, am I a bully?
I’ve been vague about the situation because, even though this was at work, the same pattern plays out in all areas of life – when spouses are relentless in demeaning their partners, when toxic parents or adult children spread their poison, when grown siblings fight, when extended family members attack someone, when supposed friends cut someone down, and, of course, at school.
If I resist and fight back, am I a bully?
No. It’s that simple.
Tom must protect himself from a relentless predator who’s trying to feed off him and get him fired. Predators like sharks or hyenas won’t quit when we’re nice to them. Since the other guy is waging war, Tom must do whatever he needs to in order to protect himself. He’s not bullying. The other guy will show Tom how far he has to go in order to win.
Initially, Tom would have stopped attacking the other guy if the other guy had stopped trying to get Tom fired. But now it’s a matter of survival. Tom say, “I forgive him and I’ll bury him.
Good for Tom. He needs to protect himself and his family from the predator.
The best way to free yourself from self-doubt and to stop bullies is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.