June knew why she did all the things she did. She’d been in analysis for 60 years and she could explain in excruciating detail what had happened so long ago that caused her to treat her husband and children the way she did.
She was mean, nasty and vindictive. Verbally and emotionally, she was bullying and abusive. She was manipulative and controlling. She would be sneaky and guilt-tripping to get her way or she would simply beat everyone into submission. She was negative and disparaged them relentlessly. They were worthless and she could show them why they would fail.
The only problem was that June never changed. All that analysis, all those details, all the understanding, all those cause --> effect conclusions, all those brilliant explanations and insights, all that cathartic weeping and wailing never changed her behavior.
June insisted that if she simply knew more, understood more and went deeper, then she’d reach the bottom of her analysis and be cured. Then she’d suddenly behave better.
Finally, June’s family gave up. They got tired of explanations, reasons and excuses. They got tired of being blamed to triggering her patterns. They got tired of repeated apologies and broken promises. They saw that what she said was merely justifications. They stopped caring about why she bullied them and simply wanted her to stop. They simply got tired of waiting for a miracle. They left.
June was a victim of psychoanalysis.
June clung to the idea that if she knew more, understood more, got to the bottom of her motivations, then she’d instantly become cured and would behave like the loving wife and mother she said was her goal. She clung to the idea that she didn’t have to change until she’d analyzed and understood everything.
She refused to accept that it doesn’t work that way. All her answers to “why” questions didn’t change her behavior. And she lost what she said was most important to her. But evidently not. What she kept were her old patterns and viciousness; her old analysis and reasons; her old way of thinking and acting. Those were her “precious.”
The best way to learn how to stop being a victim of psychoanalysis or to stop someone who is, is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to deal with the specific situation you’re in.