well-meaning parents fail their kids.  They don’t prepare their kids to protect themselves from school bullying or, even worse, they turn their kids from targets into victims of harassment, abuse and bullying at school.

Of course, bullies are 100% responsible for bullying.  There are no excuses.

Also, school officials – principals, teachers and even therapists and counselors – often tolerate or even encourage school bullying and harassment by trying to educate and rehabilitate bullies, while they allow the bullying to continue; while they allow your kid to suffer.

But the major causes of problems for good kids are well-meaning parents who make their kids bigger targets for bullies.  These parents give their kids messages that hurt their kids’ chances of stopping abuse and bullying.

Here are 5 things well-meaning parents tell their kids that make them bigger targets for bullies

  1. Bullies are bullied at home, they’re hurting inside, so you should accept what they do and forgive them.  Don’t make bullies feel bad.
  2. If you ignore bullies, they’ll stop.
  3. If you’re nice, kind and reasonable to bullies, they’ll stop bullying and become friends.
  4. Never fight back verbally or physically; if you do, bullies will beat you up more.
  5. Fighting is wrong; if you do, you’re just as bad; violence never solves problems.

All of these are un-true!

I’m a scientist; I do experiments and look at the results.  If your kid is kindly and nice to a bully, does the bullying stop?  If yes, wonderful.  And the bully was not a relentless bully.  He was just a kid having a bad day or needing to learn how to get along better.

But if the bullying did not stop, or the harassment and abuse got worse, your kid is facing a relentless, bullying predator and you’d better give your kid the truth about the outside world and also the skills about how to face it.

Don’t think you can protect and coddle your kid.  Don’t think that school officials will automatically protect your kid.  Don’t think you can arrange the world so your kid never faces bullies.  While you’re working to make sure your kid’s school has an effective anti-bullying program, teach your kid the truth about the world.

Here are 5 things to tell your kids so they can have the courage, strength and determination to protect themselves; so they don’t become victims:

  1. Bullies, like hyenas, are attracted to weak prey – kids who don’t have friends and won’t fight back.  When bullies see that a kid’s feelings are hurt, they take that as an invitation to harass the kids even more.
  2. When kids continually ignore bullies, or treat them with kindness and reasonableness, or beg them to stop, bullies take that as an invitation to abuse kids even more.
  3. When a bully finds out that your kid won’t fight back, they take that as an invitation to bully even more.
  4. Bullies are made bolder when other kids stand by and don’t protest.  Make friends and allies.
  5. Bullies stop bullying only when they’re stopped – by your kid’s pushing back or by the authorities stopping them.  When a bully finds out that school principals, teachers or parents won’t stop them, they take that as an invitation to increase bullying.

To stop school bullying, parents must not make their kids into victims.  Instead, prepare your kid to be successful in the outside world.  Prepare your kid to read the signs in the jungle at school and to know how to respond strongly and successfully to harassment, abuse and bullying.  If you don’t, you’re making them bigger targets; you’re responsible for making them victims.

Here’s why telling kids to understand bullies hurts their chances of stopping abuse.  When kids continue trying to understand why bullies bully, they keep excusing the bullying; they keep doing therapy on the bullies and they keep hesitating to push back.

It’s as if your kid is thinking, “Until I understand why the bully is harassing me, I can’t stop it nicely by placating the bully.”

Usually, the best way to stop bullies is to stand up and push back – verbally and physically, if necessary.  Bullies usually respect kids who push back verbally or physically.

Your children may be targets. Don’t let them become victims.  If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think your kid is easy prey; they’ll harass your kid more.

Instead of giving your kids lies, give your kids the courage, strength and resilience they’ll need so they don’t take attacks to heart, don’t feel helpless and hopeless, and don’t become victims of bullying-caused depression or suicide.

Don’t wait for school administrators or bullies to empower you and your kid.  Take the power you need and learn to use it skillfully so you can stop harassment, bullying and abuse.

The best way to stop controlling, bullying husbands is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to do your best resolutely, diligently and effectively, and to set boundaries effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create a bully-free personal life.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.