Richie Incognito harassed, bullied and abused Jonathan Martin inside and outside the Miami Dolphins’ locker room. Incognito threatened to kill Martin’s mother and sister and even Martin himself. He repeatedly called and texted Martin terrible names and insults.
But Incognito has his excuses. Should those excuses excuse his behavior?
Should Richie Incognito be excused because he didn’t know how hurt Jonathan Martin was or because he thought he was Mr. Martin’s best friend?
“No.” Incognito uses the typical excuses and justifications that perpetrators always use: It wasn’t so bad, he didn’t know, it’s the victim’s fault, he had good reasons, he’s a special case in a special situation, his bad childhood made him do it. Nonsense. Incognito is an adult. He could have learned from all the other incidents on his rap sheet. But he’s a predator and predators don’t change.
Richie Incognito talks as if he still thinks he’s Jonathan Martin’s friend and it’s all a misunderstanding. Like typical relentless bullies, he minimizes what he’s done. He says he didn’t know. Incognito has been kicked off teams and out of colleges for behaving this way. He knows what he’s doing but he’s gotten away with it. Some team has always picked him up so there have been no consequences that have changed him.
He’s assaulted many people including a young woman volunteer at a charity golf event. But his victims have always been bought off.
The master of slaves may say his slaves are happy, but we know better and he’s supposed to also. If Richie Incognito is your big brother, as he claims; get another big brother.
Should Richie Incognito be excused if he was ordered to “toughen up” Jonathan Martin?
After World War II, we rejected the typical bully’s defense of “I was only following orders.” Some orders, you don’t follow. Of course, if such an order was given, Dolphins coaches and management bear one hundred percent of the responsibility for giving the fox the keys to hen house. Just as the fox bears one hundred percent of the responsibility for being a predator.
In companies, families and schools, I see bullies using the same excuses. Strong leaders learn to ignore these rationalizations and keep their territories bully-free.
Bullies have no place in NFL locker rooms, companies, families or schools.
The best way to stop bullying at work, in your family or at schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and consulting so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.