The second edition of “Bullies Below the Radar: Wise Up, Stand Up and Stay Up,” documents the personal journey to courage, strength, determination and skill of Grace, a wife and mother, who finally accepted that she was being controlled and bullied by a stealthy, sneaky manipulative husband. Grace finally accepted that for years:
- She’d lived in a frustrating, hostile marriage, full of drudgery and pain.
- Even though she hadn’t been physically abused or beaten, she’d been worn down and controlled by serving her husband and by arguing that hadn’t improved the relationship.
- She’d suffered watching herself and her children get harassed, manipulated, controlled and bullied.
- Her love, understanding, sweetness and kindness had not changed him.
- His numerous apologies simply kept her coming back, but he won’t change.
Grace discovered that she couldn’t make things better by being a peacemaker. Tactics like begging, bribery, understanding, endless praise, appeasement, politeness, ‘second chances,’ forgiveness, sympathy and unconditional love, and the Golden Rule usually encourage more harassment, bullying and abuse. We won’t get the results we want; we won’t stop emotional bullies or physical bullying unless we’re clear about which values are most important to us.
She stopped wallowing in negative self-talk, perfectionism, blame, shame and guilt, which had led her to get discouraged, depressed, despairing and easily defeated. She’d lost her confidence and self-esteem.
On her journey to taking power, effectively setting boundaries and voting her narcissistic husband off her “Isle of Song,” she learned:
- To recognize the seven warning signs of bullies below the radar, including sneaky patterns of bullying behavior, and the mental, emotional and spiritual costs accepting bullying.
- To go beyond magical thinking to overcome the six most common objections to standing up to bullies.
- To stop using the nine common strategies that fail to stop bullies.
- What to do if at first she didn’t succeed.
- The seven success strategies that will be effective in any bullying situation.
- A seven-step process to plan tactics that will be effective in any particular situation.
- How to protect her personal ecology and create a bully-free future.
Applying these real-world techniques, she got strong, courageous, determined, persevering and flexible in order to stop bullies of all types – controllers, critics, exploders, pushy perfectionists, prying questioners, emotional intimidators, smiling manipulators, relentless arguers and more
Grace learned that, “History is not destiny.” Using the step-by-step instructions presented here, Grace changed her mind-set and built her courage, character and skill.
My advice: Don't be a victim waiting forever for other people to grow up or change. Don’t accept bullies’ reasons, justifications and excuses. Don’t suffer in silence. Use your own power. Say “That’s enough!” Say “No!”