Hillary’s son seemed to be stubborn but alright when he was young. However, by the time he was a teenager, he’d instantly become filled with anger and rage.  He’d take the slightest word or expression as criticism and blow up at her.  By the time he was 32, he was continually bullying and abusive.  Nothing she did was ever good enough.  Everything wrong in his life was Hillary’s fault.  Even worse, he’d married a woman who felt the same way about her whole family and his.

Hillary’s son was at war with the world.
He knew the world owed him what he wanted; he was entitled.  He’d either beat everyone in the world into submission or he’d argue or manipulate everyone to give him what he wanted.  He looked at everybody as if they were in one of three categories:

  1. Allies were people who actively agreed with him and helped him get what he wanted.
  2. Enemies were anyone who didn’t do what he wanted or give him what he wanted immediately.  They needed beaten, coerced or manipulated.
  3. People who didn’t matter because they weren’t useful at that moment – until he put them into one of the first two categories.

Since they’re at war with the world, every moment is a matter of life-or-death.
They never apologize or change – that would be a dangerous admission of weakness.  They over-react to the slightest provocation.  They fight to the death over the most trivial things.  Nothing is trivial to them.  If they make a truce for a moment, it’s temporary; they’re gathering their forces for the next attack.  Greed and war are necessary for survival.

He only recognized the language of power and control.
Every time she reached out to him, he interpreted that as weakness and an invitation for him to try to take more.  When she had leverage, he’d be nice so she’d lower her guard.  However, as soon as she gave up her leverage, he reverted.

He always attacked; she always defended.
No facts, reason or logic ever changed his mind.  She could never get him to understand; she couldn’t educate or rescue him from himself.

She recognized him as a narcissist.
She didn’t count; only his feelings at the moment counted and they counted for everything.  Eventually she recognize that it wasn’t personal in the sense that she’d really done anything she had to atone for.  He simply thought he needed everything or he’d die.  It was all about him and she was simply in the line of fire.

Hillary had to be on guard every moment.
Any contact with him or his wife was like entering a war zone loaded with land mines.  It was exhausting and frustrating.  She never knew when she didn’t matter or she had what they wanted or when she’d set them off.  He never talked or negotiated openly or honestly. Typically, his approach was enraged and cursing her.  It was all-or-none with him; sucking up or beating her into submission.  He’d argue or rant forever if he wanted something; he was relentless.

She stopped feeling guilty; nothing she’d ever done was that bad.
Actually, she’d tried to give him everything while trying to teach him values, character and decent behavior.  But none of that mattered to him.  The only things that mattered were what he wanted.  And he wanted victory and complete control all the time.  He wanted her to be a good servant; she should do everything he wanted and accept his beatings with a smile.

Hillary decided to keep her leverage and accept decent treatment without sincerity as the best she could get.
She stopped wondering whether he could ever change; she decided she’d simply protect herself one incident at a time and see what happened later.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation.  The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling