One common tactic of narcissistic bullies is emotional intimidation and blackmail.

Bullies get hurt feelings and then explode with angry personal attacks and accusations.  If that doesn’t make their targets give in and do whatever the bully wants, including taking the mental, emotional and physical beating submissively, then the bully will cry and storm off with a loud silent treatment.

According to the bully, the guilty party is always the target; bullies no responsibility for their reactions.  The target must always apologize, grovel and willingly accept further abuse.

Narcissistic bullies want you to take their feelings seriously.
To them, their feelings are the most important things in the world.  Everyone must adjust to their feelings and also make them happy.  Of course, that’s impossible because their desires and hates will change in an instant.

There are many individual variations depending on the circumstances.  I’ve seen these tactics used by:

  • Toxic, adult children bullying their parents into servants or slaves, giving everything and gladly taking beatings in order to see their grandchildren.
  • Toxic parents to make their adult children submit.
  • Toxic “friends” who are the center of attention and control all interactions.
  • Toxic bosses, coworkers and subordinates at work who bully to get control, power and turf.
  • Toxic, manipulative kids in school.

You know you’re being bullied and abused with these tactics when you walk on egg shells, always afraid to upset someone else.
You thought you were having an innocuous conversation and suddenly, without warning, they blow.  Often, everyone else turns on you, wanting you to give in just so, “We can have some peace and quiet.”  They’ll minimize or ignore the bullying tactics saying, “That’s just how they are so it’s better to rise above and be the bigger, more spiritual person.  Pushing back will simply cause more trouble.”

The more you give in, the worse it will get.
These bullies are like forest fires.  They’re never satisfied, the always want more.  The more they’re fed, the fiercer they burn.

How you defend yourself depends on the situation and the relationships.  Sometimes:

  • You’re stuck because you need or feel obligated to that person and are willing to bear the bullying temporarily.
  • You can stop the pattern by shining a light on it and getting most people to turn on the bully.  
  • Mockery can work.  Since you’re not taking their feelings seriously, you can laugh at explosions, give applause for good hissy fits, label the actions as childish temper tantrums and be loudly thankful for the peace and quiet after the bully has stormed off.  Of course, the bully will attack more, in hopes of making you submit.  But if you’re more determined, they’ll give up and find other scapegoats.
  • You may have to get them out of your life, despite the pain, like you would an infected splinter.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation.  The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling