Linda’s daughter, Heather, was finally enjoying herself. She hated Linda for ruining her life by divorcing the father she loved and by trying to make her behave decently, and now she could control everyone in the family. Linda would do anything to see Heather’s new baby and Heather was collecting the price of Linda’s “anything.”
Heather demanded that Linda accept all the blame for everything wrong with her life, pay for everything she wanted and be happy with her role as slave-to-be-whipped. Then Heather demanded that all her siblings join in punishing their mom and also in being Heather’s slaves. If they didn’t, Heather wouldn’t let Linda see her new granddaughter. Heather’s father, Linda’s ex, encouraged her and enjoyed every minute of Linda’s pain.
Linda’s other children didn’t like their sister, Heather, and hated her treatment of their mother. They also thoroughly dislike their “loser” father. But Linda begged them to do whatever Heather wanted so she could see her new granddaughter. The other children thought Linda had gone crazy. They also had children, so what was so special to Linda about this one granddaughter?
Linda’s begging threw them into a horrible predicament. They began to hate Heather and, even more, hated their mother for trying to force them to be Heather’s slaves.
The problem in the family.
Of course the initial problem is Heather. Whatever her reasons, excuses and justifications, she’s chosen hatred, revenge and retaliation. She’s chosen the “Dark Side.” And she’s encouraged and aided by her father. She even says she finally has what she’s always wanted; control of everyone so she can force them to do everything she wants.
But the real problem that’s splitting the family is Linda’s willingness to go along with Heather’s demands. Linda has thrown out everything she ever taught the kids. She no longer has standards. In her desperation to please Heather, she’s thrown everything else away. She’s sold her values and her soul. If she continues down this path, she will force the rest of her children to face Heather’s all-or-none choice.
Some might chose to submit to Heather’s demands while others might choose to leave both their sister and their mother. And they’ll know their mother chose one child at the expense of all the others and, also, all the other grandchildren.
Linda refused to face the choice Heather tried to force on her: which of the children and grandchildren will she choose? Linda deluded herself into thinking she could change Heather’s mind about her abusive father and why she had to divorce him.
Linda was freed from her hesitation, guilt, bullying and abuse when she saw the decision as which of her values and standards, not which of her children, were more important to her.
Then she became clear: she stopped pretending to believe her reasons, excuses, justifications and wishful thinking. She stopped being driven by her guilt and fear. She chose loving, considerate, polite behavior instead of being a slave. She choose fun. And she chose to be a model for her children and grandchildren.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.