In her fifties, Alice was torn.  She hated how her boyfriend treated her – he was negative, critical, sarcastic, demeaning, controlling, bullying and abusive.  But she was afraid that if she followed her heart and dumped him, she’d be alone forever; her worst fear.

Alice vacillated between being submissive (with good reasons and excuses why she should) and exploding with hatred and rage.  Her boyfriend yelled back at her and smiled smugly.  He knew she’d feel guilty and come back, begging his forgiveness.

Since he wouldn’t change, Alice had an all-or-none choice.
Alice harbored no illusions about him.  He’d also been that way to his previous three wives.  He wasn’t going to change for her.  Her spirit called her to get rid of him but her fear demanded she cling on frantically.  The inner war undermined her confidence and self-esteem.

As Alice’s physical, mental and emotional health declined, she knew she had to choose.
Her choice was a little easier since she wasn’t financially dependent on him.  In fact, he used her money whenever he could.

Finally she saw the choice from a different point of view; Alice realized she was already alone and lonely.
Would she rather be alone with him filling her physical, mental and emotional space or would she rather be alone because there was no one wonderful in her space?  In a burst of courage and determination, Alice chose the latter.  That way she’d be free to deal with her past and her residual fears, and also free to fill her space with someone better.

After all, what wonderful person would want to come into her space when it was already filled with a bullying, control-freak?

The same ideas apply even if the bully is a spouse/partner or abusive, scapegoating parents or adult children, or extended family.
Different circumstances present different degrees of difficulty but always the same question.  When your direction is clear and you’re determined, a whole new range of possible actions will open up you.

Will Alice be alone?
No one knows the future but there is a guarantee down one of her possible paths.  If she strays with him she will be alone.  If she faces her fear and clears her space then she has a chance of a wonderful life.  Clear and simple.  Just not easy.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation.  The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling