Bullies attack, take the offensive. They want you defensive. The more you defend yourself, the more you argue, debate or try to prove you’re not bad, the more they win.
Whatever the situation – intimate relationships or spouse, toxic parent, toxic adult child, extended family or friends, school or work – one way bullies show who they are is by always attacking us. Faced with their negativity, criticism, anger or abuse, most of us defend ourselves. Sometimes they claim we hurt their feelings. As soon as we say we didn’t mean to, we’ve lost.
Bullies want us to do self-examination. Are our motives pure enough? Have we been perfect enough (according to them)? They want to stimulate our self-questioning and self-doubt. They want to stimulate our guilt. When our self-esteem and self-confidence is diminished, their bullying succeeds. As soon as we follow the path they want us on, they win.
Take the offensive.
If you try to rise above or to understand, explain or minimize their behavior, or try love them so much they’ll finally change, they’ll take that as weakness and, like scavengers to a corpse, they’ll attack more and bolder.
Don’t answer their charges. Call them out. Point out their bullying patterns. Or laugh at their charges or embarrass them. Say, “That’s a good one,” and, with a smile, keep doing what you want and ignore their attack. Or come back at them with a smile. Make them pay a price for continued attacks.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.