People who grew up as victims to their parents’ narcissism often have a void, an emptiness right in their center, an excruciatingly painful emptiness they are driven to fill.
For example, Linda had been trained by her father to feel empty. She was not allowed an opinion of her own. Her sense of Self was discarded and a void created in the center of her chest. He trained her to be filled (temporarily) only by his throwing her an emotional bone of love once in a while.
When Linda grew up, she was driven to fill that emptiness at any cost, even further dismissal of her own Self; her thoughts, her feelings, her opinions; her standards, her values, her desires. She bounced from man to man, always looking for someone to give her a little love, at any price, in order to fill that void.
Linda was an addict.
She saw versions of herself in movies and television; heroin addicts doing anything for a fix, even the slightest amount, to take the pain of that emptiness away. She was addicted to narcissists.
Finally, in despair, Linda went cold-turkey. She had to endure intense loneliness, longing and pain while she started to fill her emptiness with her own Spirit, her own Soul, her Higher Self. She also filled that void with God and the Great Mother. She felt the love pouring in and filling her like warm milk and light: Bliss, Joy, Home.
She remembered a few moments early in life when she’d felt filled and she did exercises to keep filling herself. As she felt filled, she stopped seeing the world in terms of whether she was loved or not. She no longer needed external suppliers of temporary fixes of love; the narcissists, bullies and abusers she’d previously sought. She was able to see clearly what people’s personalities were and would likely continue to be. She saw who she could be with and who she could not; who had their own interests at heart and would seek to hook her again.
Then a miracle happened: She stopped feeling thrilled and attracted to the bad men and women who promised a little relief but really sought to hook her. She began looking at the world for wonderful things to be seen, to be experienced, to be done. She began feeling attracted to people who would be real friends and lovers. Walking around with her chest filled, she felt attractive and she was.
Within 6 months she fell madly in love with a real partner to share her new self.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.