Dreams die – worse than we imagined. But we live – why should we go on; how can we?
Divorce is the end of a dream – sometimes we can’t believe what they did. Or our parents turn out to be manipulative, critical, controlling, toxic people. Our children aren’t born the way we hoped. Our grown children turn out to be angry, entitled, abusive and bullying. Friends prove false, negative and backstabbing. People at work are sneaky, steal our ideas, blame failures on us, get us fired. And so it goes.
How can we stop dedicating ourselves to rebuilding those destroyed dreams? How can we move on past our shattered lives?
Every situation is different. Every torment is unique.
I was born in 1939 and grew up in the shade of the holocaust. Some of the survivors became inspirations to me about why and how to live again.
The survivors had lost everything – parents, children, siblings, family, friends, generations worth of stuff – everything. And I noticed there were two kinds.
Some had stopped living – they survived but merely existed in a walking shell of pain and sorrow. They suffered and mourned every moment. They carried a black cloud the rest of their lives. Perpetual downers. Who can blame them?
The others lived again. They never forgot. Sometimes they shared memories and we wept. Yet, beyond grief, shame, guilt, blame, they moved ahead. They laughed again, they played with the children, they found love, they made new families, they celebrated life. Despite the anguish, they planted themselves as new crops and they had new harvests.
There is no Right-Way. But there is choice – once and then again and then again; every morning the sun comes up and we’re still breathing.
I chose the second way, dedicated to life.
When I work with people, I say the first way is also legitimate. But the second way, as hard and difficult and long, is the way of new growth and life.
When we raise our glasses to toast, “L’Chiam,” we toast “To life,” not because it’s particularly pleasant at a certain moment but because, no matter what, life itself is the sweetest gift. We crave it and we must use it well. We must use it to make new blossoms with the rest of it that we have.
Remember “The Martian.” Keep living as long as you’re breathing.
And I love the quote from Rabindranath Tagore, “Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.”
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.