Bob had a horrible childhood.  His parents were brutal, rage-filled alcoholics.  Nothing Bob ever did was good enough; he could never please them.  They bullied, manipulated and abused him and his siblings mentally, emotionally and physically.  They were negative and critical.  His older siblings did the same to him.

Bob struggled and fought against his tormentors and he succeeded.  He grew up, got a job, left home and cursed them all with his parting breath.  But Bob carried them in him the rest of his life.  He became negative, sarcastic and critical.  He enjoyed being righteous and full of rage.  His tirades could go on all day.  He hated, scorned and abandoned his children and grandchildren.  His third wife couldn’t remember a time he was happy for more than thirty minutes.  He acted just like his parents.

Laurie also had a traumatic childhood.  She was raped and beaten by a stranger when she was tiny and had many physical consequences.  She didn’t remember what had happened but she grew up feeling different; damaged, unworthy and sinful, as if God was tormenting her throughout life for some reason she never knew.  But she knew it must be because she was bad or defective.  She felt guilty and ashamed.  She knew there was something wrong with her and she hated herself.

In middle age both Bob and Laurie were confronted with a difficult choice: Continue succeeding in life as they had been or start growing in a different direction.

Bob’s third wife said she couldn’t stand him anymore; she was leaving.  Bob knew he was right; she wasn’t good enough, just like the other two.  He was acting just like he’d learned when he grew up and it had make him successful.  She could take it or leave it.  He didn’t care.

Laurie, on the other hand, knew she wasn’t worthy when her boss promoted her and when a friend proposed to her.  She was going to say “No” to both offers.  She knew that if she allowed herself to be happy, she’d soon be exposed as defective and disaster would follow.

But something inside Laurie kept nagging at her.  At first it was the questions: “What am I here for?  What’s my place in the world?”  Then the questions became: “What place do I want to make for myself?  How do I want to live every day that would be wonderful?”

Laurie decided to answer those incessant questions by turning away from her old path of fear, self-doubt and self-loathing.  Instead, she set off on a path outward; away from a focus on herself and toward whatever seem wonderful, joyous and full of promise.

At first, she had to struggle against old beliefs, fears, rules and roles but she succeeded; she blossomed – but that’s another story.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation.  The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling