One of the favorite tactics of controlling husbands is to use “blackmailing words” to get their targets to do what they want.
Actually, controllers use this type of manipulation in all areas of life: controlling wives, toxic parents and toxic adult children, controlling best friends from elementary school to adulthood, controlling co-workers, bosses and even supervisees. And great sales people.
Jane had tried to be a good and considerate wife. She’d worked hard to support and please her husband. She’d centered her life on his. But all her efforts had never been enough or just right.
Whenever her husband had disagreed with her or she hadn’t immediately done what he wanted, he’d harass, bully and abuse her with emotionally blackmailing words. He’d call her, “uncaring, unloving, critical, unsupportive, judgmental, selfish, controlling, manipulative.” She’d never wanted to be any of those types of people. How could she resist such charges?
She’d felt ashamed and guilty. Sometimes she’d just given in and done what he wanted. Sometimes she’d argued but he’d always find examples of her bad behavior. And he liked arguing. She’d always been on the defensive and he’d always won. She’d became hopeless and helpless.
Jane finally saw how she’d been manipulated by her husband’s bullying. She saw he’d condemned her no matter what she did.
She merely wanted her voice heard, her vote counted. She was not a bad person for having her own opinions, for disagreeing with him. Once she decided she had to follow her own star or her spirit would be manipulated to death, she could plan and act to change her life. She stopped arguing and created a no-bullying zone – her new life.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation; especially whether you have children and money. The best way to learn how to stop being used, manipulated and bullied is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.