Jane had loved the wrong person – a narcissistic, bullying, abusive control-freak. But she felt helpless. She had loved him with all her heart. She had seen every nice, kind thing he said; she had seen every apology, every promise he made. She wouldn’t hear a word of criticism about him.
That was the problem that kept Jane enmeshed with her bully. She had enabled him because she saw only one side of the picture – the good side he wanted her to focus on. She said she would feel like a bad person – unforgiving, uncaring, judgmental – if she saw the other side. She had thought that forgiveness meant seeing only the good side of him.
She had spent a long time miserable and suffering before she came and allowed herself to see the whole picture.
Even though Jane was not a good visualizer, when her unconscious made a canvas with thousands of scenes – the good, the bad and the ugly – she could see the preponderance of the evidence. For every promise he made there were twenty horrible things he did to break the promise; for every “I love you” there were a hundred hateful acts, for every compliment there were a thousand insults, criticisms and negative, put-downs in private and in public.
When Jane allowed herself to see the whole picture, she became discerning. She could make an informed decision about whether she wanted to stay and continue to be abused and tormented or to leave. She didn’t have to judge him as bad or evil or to wish something horrible would happen to him.
She didn’t have to be judgmental; all she had to do was be discerning, see the whole picture and decide whether to put her body and heart in harm’s way.
She was surprised when she felt sorry for him but no longer loved him. She was even more surprised when she became disgusted by him; she saw him as weak and pathetic.
The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to stop bullying is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.