June grew up trained to say, “It’s my fault. What did I do wrong?’ when she was bullied and abused by her parents. She married a man who reinforced that pattern.
When he was sarcastic, critical, negative and demeaning, she was supposed to try harder to do what would please him. When he yelled or hit her, she was supposed to know it was her fault.
He always had good reasons why he should torment and control her. She assumed if she did the right things, she wouldn’t bear the blame for how he behaved. But since he would condemn her no matter what she did, she always felt the guilt and shame of never being good enough.
When she finally realized that he’d condemn her no matter what she did, something in her shifted. She was instantly free of the burden of guilt. She felt lighter as a wave of warmth, peace and light washed away decades of training. She never deserved that treatment from her parents or her husband, or even her friends or coworkers. Her mistakes didn’t deserve those attacks. Her heart opened and she sobbed and sobbed. When she was done, she felt cleansed and free as she never had before.
It wasn’t about “deserve” any more.
It was about what she would and wouldn’t tolerate around her any more. She now had the confidence to trust her own judgment. She’d test other people and she’d decide how close or far to hold them, based on their behavior, not their reasons, excuses or justifications. In fact, anyone who blamed their out-of-control, temper tantrums and hissy-fits on her would be immediately removed from her personal space.
Of course, although the realization was instantaneous – clear, straightforward and simple – putting it into effect wasn’t easy. That took time, effort and some backsliding. The bullies in her life kept manipulating and blaming on her. Her self-doubt, self-questioning and low self-esteem reared up from time to time. But, with help, she was able to clear her space of all the bullies and predators.
The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to stop bullying is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.