Sneaky, controlling, bullying husbands stimulate their wives’ self-bullying. Stop self-bullying before you become stuck and helpless or you’ll never leave.
By the way, the tactics are also used by toxic parents, toxic adult children and bullying teenagers who manipulate their targets through blame, shame and guilt.
People who bully themselves have internal voices that put them down. You know, those negative, critical, little voices that:
- Tell you that you’re wrong; it’s your fault; you must try harder.
- Tell you that you don’t deserve any better and you’ll never find any better.
- Try to motivate you to become a better person by rubbing your nose in all your mistakes and failures.
- Stimulate self-doubt and self-questioning, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
- Destroy confidence and self-esteem, and stimulate depression and suicidal thoughts.
When people bully themselves with these thought patterns they hesitate and become helpless; they stay stuck because they think it’s wrong to leave or because they’re afraid to leave; they won’t stand up to sneaky bullying, controlling husbands.
Remember the seven warning signs of controlling, bullying husbands are:
- They think they know best about everything; just ask them.
- They think they’re more important than their spouses are.
- They think their sense of humor is correct. They can say whatever they want and their wives are supposed to take it.
- Everyone is a pawn in today’s game to put them one-up or to make them feel better.
- They think their excuses, excuse them.
- Their logic, reasoning and rules, rule.
- They think they don’t have anything to learn.
In order to control their spouses, bullying husbands try to stimulate and reinforce their wives’ old, self-bullying tapes. Bullying spouses are relentlessly critical, negative and demanding. They use logic and reasoning to destroy their wives’ self-esteem and to reinforce their wives’ shame and guilt. Abusive, critical, bullying husbands are never pleased; nothing their wives do is ever good enough. They know best and they’re right and righteous. Their spouses are bad, wrong and deficient.
You can never be kind, nice, sweet or caring enough to change bullying husbands. You’re not the rescuer or therapist to solve their psychological problems. They’re simply bullying, controlling abusive spouses.
Now, stop torturing yourself with negativity, criticism and verbal abuse. Stop predicting failure and a dark future without the bully. That internal negativity is just an old motivation strategy gone wrong by going to far and too relentlessly.
You can learn to harness that internal voice so it can motivate you to feel your best and do your best. Then you’ll have the courage, confidence and strength to stand up effectively to your bullying, controlling husband.
Don’t debate or argue with them. Don’t wait for them to agree or to give you permission. Don’t wait for them to empower you.
Take power over yourself; whether they like it or not. Convert that old, critical, self-bullying voice into a motivating coach.
Then you can plan in secret if you have to. Dump them or get away as fast as you can.
There’s a wonderful quote from an Indian poet, Nobel Prize winner, Rabindranath Tagore, “Create an isle of song in a sea of shouts.” That means not only in your personal space – around you, in your car and your home and at work – but especially in your head.
Relentless bullies – abusive, controlling spouses, as well as toxic parents, toxic adult children and bullying teenagers – are predators who go after the weak, the isolated and those who don’t resist.
If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.
What’s the price of tolerating with bullying? Slow erosion of your soul!
The best way to stop controlling, bullying husbands is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to do your best resolutely, diligently and effectively, and to set boundaries effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create a bully-free personal life.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.