Learn how to recognize and stop covert, sneaky bullies and control freaks in school. Overt bullies are easy to recognize; they’re loud, obnoxious, threatening and in your face.
Sneaky, stealthy bullies are harder to recognize. But if we don’t recognize their tactics and label them as “bullies” we can’t energize ourselves to develop and carry out an effective plan to stop them.
Seven warning signs of sneaky, bullying controllers in school are:
- They think their sense of humor is correct. They use you as an emotional punching bag. They think they can say whatever they want and you’re supposed to take it. They make nasty, vicious, demeaning, hurtful remarks to you and about you in public. They point out all your mistakes and failings, and they tell your embarrassing secrets. Then they laugh like it’s a joke. If you object, they say you’re too sensitive or they were kidding. They think your feelings are stupid and not logical. But you better not say anything about them.
- They elbow you or knock your books down and look innocent and pretend it was an accident. And they smile.
- Bullies form cliques and gangs. They cut you out. They lure or push other kids to bully you also. They say bullying you is your fault because you’re different. But the real reason they bully is that they’re bullies. They want power and control, and to feel good by putting you down.
- They’re sure they’re more important than you are. They think your whole life should be devoted to their needs, wants and whims. If you won’t, they’ll make you look bad. They pretend to be your best friend but then you have to do what they want, or their feelings will be hurt. They’ll spread gossip, rumors and lies about you.
- Everyone is a pawn in their game. They think you have value only as long as you can help them or you worship them. They’re selfish, arrogant and demanding; they think they should be catered to or waited on. Anyone who doesn’t help or who gets in their way becomes an enemy. You’re afraid that if you disagree, they’ll strike back at you.
- They think their excuses, excuse them. They think their reasons are always correct and are enough to justify what they do. They think that if you don’t agree, you simply don’t understand or you’re evil. The absolute certainty of these manipulative narcissists seduces you into self-doubt and self-bullying. You become unsure of your own judgment and wisdom; eventually you give in to them.
- They think their logic, reasoning and rules, rule. They think they’re allowed to do anything they want – to take what they want, to harass, abuse, attack or to strike back in any way they want – but everyone else should be bound by their rules. If your feelings are hurt by what they’ve said or done, they say it’s your fault and your problem. They’re right and righteous. Everything is your fault.
Sneaky bullies are emotional manipulators. They try to make you feel helpless and hopeless. They isolate you.
Ignore your self-bullying; that little voice that doesn’t like you, that tells you that the narcissistic control-freak might be right. If you don’t trust your own guts you’ll get sucked in, just like you would into a black hole.
You can never be kind, nice, sweet or caring enough to change them. You are not the therapist to solve their psychological problems. The responsible adults are supposed to stop them and then change them or to isolate them. They’re bullying, control-freaks. Don’t debate or argue with them, but don’t ignore them.
These bullies have been around forever. A quote from one of the oldest books we have, “The Mahabharata,” says, “If you are gentle, [bullies] will think you are afraid. They will never be able to understand the motives that prompt you to be gentle. They will think you are weak and unwilling to resist them.”
See them as the sneaky bullies they are. Fight back verbally. Get help. Have your friends record what the say and do. That’s what cell phones are really for. Get help from a trusted teacher and you parents. Fight back physically if you can and have to.
If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.
Keep a flame burning in your heart. You may be a target; don’t be a victim. Fight back.
What’s the price of tolerating bullies; slow erosion of your soul.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, expert coaching by phone or Skype helps. We can design a plan that fits you and your situation. And build your will and skill to carry it out effectively.