Cindy’s parents used her like a slave.

  • They knew better; she was always wrong, stupid and shouldn’t trust herself.
  • They corrected, criticized, yelled and threated; they lied and manipulated; they bullied, punished and abused her.
  • They convinced her she’d be alone and a failure unless she did what they wanted.  They convinced her she was disobedient, selfish and uppity if she disagreed.
  • She was supposed to accept their treatment as love and caring; she was supposed to be smiling, happy and loving of them.  If she resisted, she was bad and guilty; she should feel ashamed.  She deserved their wrath.

No surprise: Cindy married a man who treated her the same way and raised children who continued the pattern.

Cindy lived in a world of selfish, bullying narcissists.
She never trusted her opinion or judgment.  She had low self-esteem and no self-confidence; she even beat herself up with self-questioning and self-doubt.  She knew she was never good enough to please the people most important to her.  Her future was a life of servitude; dark, dreary and depressing.

Cindy’s empathy, trained into her from birth, meant she always tried to please others first; maybe she could earn their caring and respect.
Of course she never succeeded in pleasing them enough; they never listened to her needs or even showed they cared about her feelings or voice.  She was supposed to be a humble, obedient servant to those who knew better.  Her job was to serve and to please.  

Cindy spent her life trying to prove herself, as if she was defending herself in front of a hostile judge and jurors in a court of law.
She never knew what was true, what to believe, what was right or what to do.  She was always on the defensive, always trying harder and never succeeding.

Cindy finally realized her childhood survival strategy wasn’t necessary or useful to her as an adult.
When she was abused as a child, she thought the big people knew better and she was supposed to obey.  It was natural to think she had to do things for them so they’d finally listen and be nice to her.  She squelched her anger, knowing if she let it out they would have destroyed her.  She was helpless.  And she perpetuated that silence and victim-attitude even when she became an adult.  Her husband and her children reinforced her slave mentality.  It served their desire for power and control; their desire to be waited on and catered to.

Cindy found the place in her that signaled her “Accurate Intuition.”
Her history showed her she could always trust that specific feeling in her gut.  She could stay in her body, see truth clearly and decide what she wanted to do.  She saw when she’d allowed them to talk her out of that truth or when she’d talked herself out of her truth, she was bewitched, deceived and taken advantage of.

Now she’s an adult.  She decided listen to herself always; she took power over herself and, therefore, over situations.
She decided to always trust that feeling (her Accurate Intuition) and act on it even before she could understand or justify it in a court of law.  Of course, the whole family was thrown into an uproar.  Of course, they tried to force her back into her assigned role as their humble, obedient servant.  But the more she trusted herself, the more wonderful, free and powerful she felt, and the more her future brightened.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation.  The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling