Alice’s parents reinforced Alice’s natural tendency to look outward, to sense what they wanted and then to satisfy those whims.  Alice grew up empathetic, knowing if she didn’t satisfy her parents she’d be punished severely.

She was taught to distrust what she knew (saw, heard, felt – her judgment, her inner truth).  She was told she was wrong, didn’t know what was true and if she followed her own heart or gut, she’d end up alone and unloved.  The way to get love was to turn to them for truth, explanations and direction, and to give them what they wanted.  If she listened to herself she was selfish, arrogant, and judgmental, and caused confrontations, which she always lost.  If she showed anger she’d be hurting her parents feelings and they’d criticize, bully and abuse her because she was guilty and a bad person.  She’d asked for it.

You can guess how her husband and children treated her.  She catered to everyone; she never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings by denying them what they wanted.

With help, Alice finally saw that everyone else got their desires met except her.
Her desires were ignored or scorned, or she was punished for having desires.  She was convinced that, by nature, she was an empath; controlled by other people, incapable of getting what she needed and doomed to be totally focused on satisfying others forever.   She was doomed to have low self-confidence, low self-esteem and to be co-dependent.  It was her fate.

With help, Alice found her own center and decided to be empathetic toward herself.
Now that she was an adult, she could use her empathetic skills to recognize what was actually happening in interactions with other people, to recognize how she felt and to listen to the voice of her Soul; to never talk herself out of listening to her “accurate intuition.”  When she did this, her mind stopped racing and she found herself calm, joyous and full of inner peace.  The bullying external voices from her parents, husband and children were muffled.  Her inner dialogue quieted and her self-bullying inner voices stopped.  She was able to hear her own voice and felt strong enough to act on it.

Everyone protested angrily.
They were enraged that Alice was no longer their servant.  They told her she was bad, selfish and would go straight to hell.  And she’d be alone and lonely here on earth before she got there.  Alice persisted.  She said, “That’s what you want me to believe but it’s not true.  I feel fine.  And if you’re nice to me and take care of me also, I’ll still take care of you reasonably.”

Alice did not turn into a selfish, narcissistic person.
She simply trusted her own judgment and to meet some of her needs.  She saw who the greedy narcissists and bullies were.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situationThe best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling