Ruth and Ralph felt like they were at another choice point; who was in charge of their lives?

Narcissists want to control your life.
When she was growing up, Ruth’s father was in charge of his family.  He was the Patriarch: He had to be obeyed.  Her mother gave in and never protected Ruth.  Sometimes, she encouraged him to abuse the children.  Ruth learned how to make life easier for herself.  She’d guess what he would want and do it.  She remembers when she decided never have an opinion of her own.  When she was 18, her parents forced her into a disastrous marriage to a man who’d also rule over her.  Even now, at 45 and with her children independent, her father and her husband insisted on ruling her life.  They wanted her to be a good servant, a willing slave.

When his daughters were in their 20s, Ralph finally broke free and divorced his bullying, controlling, abusive narcissistic wife.  He’d never resisted her before because he saw that resistance would lead to immediate divorce.  He thought the girls would be harmed by divorce when they were young.  Now his daughters took over the role of selfish controllers.  Whenever he didn’t do what they wanted they threw hissy-fits.  He was a bad dad; he should feel guilty; they knew exactly how he should show his love of them; they knew what was best for him; they wouldn’t let him see his grandchildren if he didn’t jump every time they wanted.

Who do you want to decide on your present and future?
Ruth’s parents and husband, Ralph’s daughters, egged on by his ex-wife, wanted to be the Patriarchs and Matriarchs of their lives for their own benefit, not for Ruth’s and Ralph’s.

In moments of clarity and anger, both Ruth and Ralph felt totally alive and free and powerful and wonderfully peaceful.  Their submission and guilt vanished.  They no longer felt like helpless little children.  They felt like competent adults.  They would take charge of their lives.  They would dedicate themselves to making their futures wonderful for themselves and for those who wanted them to enjoy life.

Their narcissistic controllers had said they only wanted what was best, but both Ruth and Ralph knew better.  It was best for the Masters.  They were narcissists who wanted servants and slaves.

Feeling free of the old beliefs, rules and roles was crucial and was only a first step.  Ruth and Ralph had to back that up with actions made against huge resistance.  But the feeling of freedom and power stayed with them, and inspired and guided them to become the Matriarch and Patriarch of their own lives.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation.  The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling