Larry and Laura; opposite situations, similar blood-suckers, opposite responses, same life-sucking result.
Larry’s parents were toxic, bullying, abusive narcissists. When he was young, they wanted him to be their willing slave and they tried to break his spirit. Now that he was grown and independent, financially and physically, they still wanted to enslave him. Their rule: his role should be to take care of them and give them everything they wanted in the way that was most convenient for them.
Laura’s daughters were also toxic, bullying, abusive narcissists. When they were growing up, they demanded Laura give them everything they wanted immediately. They were continually nasty, critical and demeaning. Nothing Laura ever did was good enough. Every time they were upset, Laura was blamed. They were selfish and entitled, and none of their charges was true.
Now they had children, they blackmailed Laura. They wouldn’t let Laura see the children. She had to give them all the money they wanted, and be available instantly to help make their lives easy or they wouldn’t give her updates on her grandchildren.
Larry felt angry. Laura felt guilty and terrified.
Larry hated his parents and focused all his energy and rage on them. He worried about their next demands and what excuses he could make that they’d accept. He spend hours with friends venting about his life made miserable by them, even though they lived a thousand miles away.
Laura accepted that her daughter’s anger was her fault and she lived in fear of never seeing her beloved grandchildren. She spent all her waking hours seeking help to figure out what to do to win her daughters’ love so they’d treat her fairly. She spend nights turning everything over in her mind, trying to find a way to assuage her guilt and to make amends to them
Larry and Laura’s tormentors loved them as masters love servants or slaves.
Larry and Laura were stuck trying to get their tormentors to love them; they were stuck thinking that if their blood- and energy-suckers became loving, they’d treat them nicely.
But how do masters treat slaves? Masters want slaves to do everything they want, and with a smile, because that’s what slaves are for. Masters also want to beat slaves whenever they feel like it, like kicking the dog. Masters love power and tormenting slaves.
If you live in fear and anger, you’ll miss the joy of today.
Larry and Laura’s consumed their thoughts and energy focusing on his toxic parents and her rotten daughters. As long as Larry and Laura held themselves back, focusing on those masters, they were, indeed, slaves. And their life’s energy would be bled dry, pint by pint.
Fear and anger are simply energy to motivate us to act.
But fear and anger are not good for supplying solutions. That’s what our brains and skills are for. We can use fear and anger to increase our strength, courage and determination to carry out the plans we make.
As Stephen Jenkinson says, “Fear is full of uninformed anticipation masquerading as heightened awareness. Fear knows enough to mobilize, stir, run, and fight, but it knows next to nothing about the feared thing. Fear is not knowledge.”
Larry and Laura faced their fear and anger; they changed their old, outdated beliefs, rules and roles. They took charge of their energy and changed the directions of their lives. They made the rest of their lives worth living.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.