To a narcissist – your bullying partner or your alienating ex, your toxic parent, your abusive, adult child, your manipulative, controlling friend – you are not a person.
What I mean is that to us, a person’s voice counts, their feelings and wishes matter, they get to vote. To a narcissist, you’re not a person.
Typically, narcissists are:
- The center of all attention and concern.
- Right and righteous.
- Interested in you only as an object; a slave, property, a toy.
Think about those thousand or ten thousand of interactions you’ve had with the narcissists in your life.
- Masters don’t let slaves vote. The feelings of slaves don’t matter. Slaves are property. They get to do all the work and take the beatings with a smile.
- Narcissists do whatever they want to the furniture.
- Narcissists play with their toys like cats play with mice. Narcissists get to discard their property and toys whenever they’re bored with them. If the toys don’t like it, it’s their fault and their problem.
- Narcissists are not grateful to slaves, property, toys.
Does that pretty much sum up most, if not all, of your interactions with some people?
What if narcissists are nice or charming one time?
Imagine those thousand or ten thousand interactions you’ve had with each person. Put each one in a DVD case and attach them individually as the surrounding background you have to any image of that narcissist. If they’re nice one time, you can cover one of the ten thousand rotten interactions with that nice one.
Oh look, still 9,999 rotten ones surrounding that person. Now you can see what you’re dealing with. When they’re nice or charming, they simply have an agenda to get something from you.
What do you think will happen after they get what they want?
How do you know they’ve changed?
Performance over a long time leads you to trust your estimation of what that person is likely to do. They still have 9,999 incidents to balance out.
What if they accuse you of doing bad things or being a bad person?
Keep paying attention to the 9,999. Don’t argue, justify or debate. Don’t prove yourself. Don’t think about their charges or listen to their excuses. Thank them for sharing. Simply tell them, “9,999 to go.” Get your opinions from people who have 10,000 wonderful DVDs surrounding their images.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.