In the last article, we saw Jeri transform her paralyzing (“bad”) guilt and shame into motivation (“good”) to resist her daughter’s manipulation and battering.

Jeri wouldn’t be her daughter’s whipping post or slave any more.  She was done accepting bullying and abuse.  She wouldn’t let her daughter pollute her life with toxic venom.

Beyond guilt and shame.
At first Jeri needed some self-bullying pain and torment to motivate herself to solve her problems.

But then, she trained herself to recognize the first slight signs of turning on herself – a catch of breath, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, a hunching of her shoulders.  She connected these seemingly minor signs to her energy focused outward to protect herself and to deal with whatever was happening – attacks by her daughter or personal criticism by anyone else.  The process had generalized to every area of life.

With practice, this new connection became an automatic, natural and easy response that propelled Jeri forward, focused on what was in front of her instead of on herself.  She no longer felt guilt and shame.  She simply responded to what was happening in the outside world without any endless loops of self-mutilation through internal focus.

Jeri was surprised she no longer had to go off and process for days.  She speedily dealt with situations in the present.  And she now had much more room for the feelings she wanted.  

Her self-confidence and self-esteem rose dramatically.  Actually, she said she hardly ever thought about herself, and those concepts seemed a waste of time.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situationThe best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling