I’ve received many comments about my post on Jennifer Bricker, asking me to expand more on the toxic adult children who feel they didn’t get enough from their parents and are still trying to beat or guilt those parents into submission. See the YouTube Video about her.
They use two sets of tactics:
- They’re angry and vengeful, and try to beat their parents into submission. They say, “You ruined my life. My life has failed because you did bad things to me or you didn’t give me enough. You’re guilty and I’m entitled. Now you have to give me everything, and do what I want forever.” And they’ll go public with the complaints and stories they’ve decided to believe.
- They’re victims, and want their parents to accept the blame and guilt, forever. They say, “I’ve failed because I was a victimized and you need to give me everything I want for the rest of my life.” And they’ll go public with the complaints and stories they’ve decided to believe.
In both cases, these entitled, toxic adult children want to remain children all their lives.
They’d rather get what they want from their parents who love them and want to help them become independent and happy, instead of doing the really hard work of getting what they need from a world that’s indifferent to them, that doesn’t care whether they succeed or not.
Growing up means becoming self-supporting and independent; physically, financially mentally and emotionally. When people become functioning adults then they can go back and revisit their relationship with parents who they think didn’t give them everything they wanted.
There are questions to ask these bullying, abusive children in adult bodies.
“Examine your false beliefs. What short-term prize do you get by maintaining them despite evidence to the contrary? Who do you know that has overcome ten times worse than you? When will you become independent and able to stand on your own feet?”
William Boast summarized it well: “Don’t ask for more until you’ve made something great and wonderful out of what you’ve already been given.”
So simply keep asking those questions. And give them nothing until they become independent. And pray they get it. Only a percent will, but it’s the only approach I’ve ever seen be successful. I’ve never seen continued giving and continued attempts to educate them be successful. These toxic children misinterpret every kindness and loving action as an admission of your guilt and the success of their tactics.
Think of Jennifer Bricker’s personality; her fire and joy in facing her life’s challenges despite the huge degree of difficulty.
Hold her up as a challenge to these adults. You can lead a horse to water but only they can overcome their first challenge.
I’d suggest the same tactics to the children of toxic parents who didn’t get what they wanted or who were brutalized when they were children, and then became narcissistic, bullying, abusive parents to their own children.
As long as their parents continue being selfish, controlling, demanding adults, the children have to let go and let their parents sink or swim on their own. Or pay for care a thousand miles away so they’re not dragged under and drowned by their parent’s demands.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.