Recovery is the temporary phase where we:
- Descend into more pain and suffering when we realize that our angry, vindictive, narcissistic, adult children hate us for no good reason and want us around only to enjoy looting everything we have, and bullying, abusing and torturing us.
- Ascend from the pit of despair into the sunshine of a new life.
The recovery phase (like recovery from other addictions), however long and heart-breaking is temporary; it has an end when we dedicate ourselves to making one.
There are many processes that can help us through the recovery phase and helpers who can make it more swift and less painful.
There is one goal; breathing deep the warm air of a new life full of joy and passion despite the loss.
As Judy Collins said, “There are some things you never get over, but you can get through them.”
There are two groups of people responding differently to any great tragedy. Take the holocaust for example. All had lost everything – husbands, wives, children, parents, siblings, friends, precious things. All were broken and faced emptiness and darkness. One type responded by making the rest of their lives merely existence; life burnt up like a candle of perpetual mourning. Easy to understand why.
But the other type responded by creating and living new lives, with new connections, with new joys. Of course they never forgot the old dreams and old loves, but they chose to make new dreams and new loves. Their candles burn bright with inspiration for us, whose tragedies pale by comparison but are nevertheless ours. We must choose our lives wisely.
When we start the ascent, we turn away from the life other people trained us for.
We stop being addicted to the life we hoped to have, the life we thought would bring us fulfillment and joy, the life centered on other people who turned out to be not worthy of the pearls we bring, people who would not make joy and great lives with the gifts we bring.
Now, we are long after the time when we rightly centered our lives around the growing seeds of our infants, who would have died without us; long after we had to nurture the tender, growing shoots that were children; even long after they became hardy enough to grow on their own and bear the fruit they freely chose to bear.
Now, we have to turn our backs on that other-focused role and turn toward the future, with us and a joyous life at the center of the future. Now, the desire for that future is stronger than the yearning for a past that’s gone with the wind. Now, we yearn for a life full of connection with those who will appreciate and make the most out of the pearls we give them; with those who will bear beautiful fruit when we water them with our love. These people are the true family of our hearts, minds and spirits.
Before we focus on the external matters of dealing with the wolves or those who want to use us as whipping posts, recovery means that we do the inner work; we make that turning to the future joy that will become the focus or our eyes and hearts; the focus our next 20-30-40-50 years..
We find the inner strength, courage and determination to ascend, no matter what.
We find within ourselves with that fire and steel that is actually at our core, that has always been at the core of all our ancestors who survived the worst that nature and other people could throw at them, the core we inherited, the core that has been their real legacy to us.
Now, we become the heroes and heroines of our lives. Who else is better qualified?
There are many processes we can use but only one goal: Life! Our wonderful futures are calling our names. Listen. “Come out from the darkness. Come into the light. Come into the warmth of love and joy returned.” Now, we can deal with the external arrangements we need to make about these ingrates and predators.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.