Good parents whose narcissistic, toxic, adult children are estranged feel crushed and heart-broken.  The cruelty and pain is excruciating when our angry, vindictive, adult children threaten that they’ll never let us see our beloved grandchildren unless we accept guilt for all their emotions, bad decisions and failures; we accept repeated beatings (verbal and sometimes physical); we give them everything they want at the moment and kiss their feet whenever they want.

It feels worse than if our child had died.
That’s bad enough but at least then it would be over and done.  We’d have more than enough grief wrapping our hearts and minds around that.

But with a toxic, adult child, the hatred and anger, the manipulating and controlling, the bullying and abuse, can go on and on.

Part of what makes it worse is that we keep hoping and we keep approaching to try to reconcile.  Which means we keep getting tormented and brutalized.  Sometimes, they’re nice for a few minutes because they want money or babysitting or the pleasure of destroying our dreams…again.

They haven’t died, although we sometimes secretly think that might make our lives easier and we’d heave a great sigh of relief.

Also it feels worse because our life’s dream has died.
The sun around which our hopes revolved has exploded.  We’ve lost the center we counted on.  We feel like we’re drifting, alone and lost, weighed down by sadness, pain and gut-wrenching grief.

Not only has the dream with one child died, but our whole solar system has been destroyed.

This accurate image tells us what we have to do.  No matter how hard.  No matter how long it takes.  We must put a wonderful, rich, full universe together in order to make life worth living.  We did it before when we were growing up and now we have to do it again, even though we hadn’t planned to.  We must put something at the center of our universe around which we revolve, something so attractive and compelling, it’s worth getting out of bed each morning, something that will bring joy to our hearts and spirits even though there’s been a death in the family.

Remember, in all past generations and societies, every family experienced deaths of children and had to learn to go on.  This may be worse but the same is required of us.

Our future is calling to our spirits.  We must answer the call or our lives will shrivel.  We’ll waste the last 30-40 years that can still be wonderful.  It’s simply a matter of choosing to respond with courage, strength and determination.  And, of course it’s hard.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation.  The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling