Some toxic, controlling parents would rather ruin their children’s lives than see them succeed when the children disobey them.

Jay’s father and older brother were old school in their country’s culture.  They represented a view of family in which the father and older siblings were expected to run the younger one’s lives and in which the younger ones must follow their orders – or else.

Jay, at 27, was physically and mentally very capable.  He was qualified to get a job in hi-tech and desperately wanted one.  With his own money, he could move out of the family compound and make his own life.  He could individually chose friends, activities and wife.

Jay reasoned and argued with them for years, but they would never allow him to make his own decisions.  And if he tried, they would ruin him.  If he got a job on his own, they had enough influence in their city to get him fired.  If he disobeyed, he would bring shame to the whole family and break his mother’s heart.  He should feel guilty at the thought of disobeying his father’s commands.  Also, they knew what was best.  He would obey them or else.  

They would not allow him to have any money of his own.  A few times a month, they gave him a little money, but never enough for him to save.

They bullied, abused and controlled his every movement.  If he wanted to go anywhere, he had to tell them where and for how long he’d be gone.  And they checked on him.  He was not allowed to change his plan without their permission.  If he tried to escape, they called the police and had him arrested and brought home.

What could Jay do?

  1. Ultimately, Jay had to give in and be a slave to their view of what he should do or he had to fight to the death to get free.  He had to have enough strength, courage and determination to escape slavery or die trying.  He had to accept the possibility that they’d capture him and bring him back.  But he had to keep trying.
  2. Jay had to become clever and sneaky.  He had to plan in secret to get a job far away and make a run for it.
  3. Jay expected them to pursue him.  It took a number of steps, but he finally found work in a city and then later in a country where they couldn’t use their influence to destroy his life.
  4. Jay took the risk.  He was gambling with his future: flee from slavery and risk that he couldn’t make it on his own, without friends or family or their direction.  But the certainty was on the other path: stay controlled and be fed like a pet or a slave the rest of his life; not have a life of his own.

Jay represents hundreds of thousands of people who want a new culture: A culture in which they choose individually what they want and risk themselves trying to make it happen.  Like Jay, they want the freedom to fulfill their own individual destinies or die trying.  And they’re being fought by the old culture that wants to control their lives as long as they live.

As difficult as it was for Jay, it will be much more difficult for his sister.  Her father and older brother will see that she doesn’t get an education so she can’t support herself physically or financially.  She’ll be even more helpless.  Then they’ll choose her husband.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation.  The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling