When you resist sneaky, manipulative, covert bullies they not only use guilt-trips, they’ll often try to manipulate you by calling your resistance bullying.  They don’t want you standing up for yourself and your standards.  They want you to back down.  They don’t want consequences for their bullying.

Whenever you hear spouses, partners, friends or co-workers do this, remind yourself that a bully is trying to get you to stop.  Toxic parents, teenagers and adult children are masters of this approach.

Smile when you realize they just reminded you what you need to do.  Trust your gut, your accurate intuition, your estimation of the situation and the pattern.

Give them one chance to break the vicious cycle.  Don’t debate or argue; you already know you’ll never win.  Don’t seek their understanding, agreement or permission to apply consequences.  They might be good for a day or a week but then they’ll go back to harassing, belittling and abusing you.  Simply say that you’ll act on what you think; not what they think.

If you’re as nasty as I am, you might say, laughingly, excited and happily, “Thanks for noticing.  I am bullying you to act according to the standards necessary to get on my turf or I won’t let you in my space.”

When they say that they’re just protecting their turf the same way, say, “Good.  You should protect your space from people like me who won’t give in to you.  You should kick me off your turf just like I’m kicking you off mine.”

Then go get a better person to be with.

The best way to stop bullying manipulative, debating, controllers is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:

  1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
  2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

AuthorBen Leichtling