What are the warning signs of controlling husbands? Here's my list of the top dozen. Do you have any to add? 1. Overt physical violence - they shove, slap or hit you; force you to have sex; force you to lie or drop the charges if the police were called. 2. You're afraid you'll trigger a violent rage - you walk on eggshells; they intimidate you with weapons; they threaten you, the children, the pets, your favorite things. 3. They make the rules; they control everything - what you do, where you go, who spends the money and what it's spent on. 4. You feel emotionally blackmailed, intimidated and drained. 5. You're told you're incompetent, helpless and would be alone without them. 6. You're told that you're to blame if they hurt you. 7. They push boundaries, argue endlessly and withhold approval and love if you don't do exactly what they want. 8. Their standards rule - your "no" isn't accepted as "no;" they're always right and you're always wrong; their sense of humor is right and they're not abusing you, you're too sensitive. 9. They isolate you - they won't allow you to see you friends or your family, go to school or even work. 10. They control you with their disapproval, name-calling, putdowns, demeaning, blame and guilt - no matter what you do; you're wrong or not good enough. 11. Your concerns generally don't get dealt with - theirs are more important so they can ignore your wishes. 12. They control you with their hyper-sensitive, hurt feelings and threats to commit suicide.
In addition to controlling you by making you afraid, they are the sneaky, manipulative schoolyard bullies who have developed adult ways to dominate, abuse and bully.
Many people allow themselves to be bullied repeatedly because they don't recognize and label the control and abuse as "bullying." When you recognize and label their tactics and tricks, you'll be empowered to resist them. When you learn effective skills and techniques, you can resist them successfully.
The same list applies to abusive, controlling, bullying wives, partners, boyfriends, girlfriends, teens and friends.
Peaceful methods (understanding, tolerating, logic, reasoning, forgiveness) sometimes stop mild bullying. But you need firmer, stronger methods to stop relentless, determined husbands.